By Steve Beseke, Doctor of Life Resiliency and Workplace Educator, Lennick Aberman Group (Please check out my newest resiliency at www.resiliencyfirst.com)
Too often, we worry unnecessarily about living up to expectations of others. What type of job do we have, house we own, car we drive, and vacation we have taken lately…the list can go on and on These are the type of status symbols society identifies as ways “we have made it.”
But have we really? Most importantly, are we living up to the resilient expectations of ourselves?
Do we believe in ourselves? Are we happy with who we are? Can we overcome life challenges without sliding down the slippery slope of despair, lost hope and even destructive actions to ourselves? Those of us who can answer these types of resilient questions in a positive and resilient way are the ones who have truly made it.
I was thinking about these questions after I heard of the unfortunate, tragic death of Pop music icon Whitney Houston over the weekend.
On the surface, she had everything. Fame, fortune and a wonderful singing voice that could only compare to the likes of Barbra Streisand. Yet, there seemed to be something missing inside that led her to drugs and other destructive behavior…and probably not living up to her own expectations.
Whitney was a shining star…gone far, far too soon.
But it doesn’t matter if you are Whitney Houston, a CEO of a Fortune 500 company, or some like you or me.Why can't we sit down and smell the roses once in a while and realize what a wonderful life we have?
Not doing this once in awhile, as I have found recently, leads to unnecessary stress and thinking much less about our health, well-being or what’s truly best for us inside. Instead, we worry too much about, “How can I make more money?” “What can I buy next?” or “How can I please someone else?” These questions seem to dominate, at least, American culture these days.
Here’s the kicker and what we/you should be thinking about: Do you truly appreciate what you have? Do you like yourself? Do you believe in yourself? Do you listen to your inner voice as it tries to say, “Stop focusing always on the external world…focus on what is best for you…”?
While I have a lifelong physical disability (Cerebral Palsy), I have not always appreciated what I have inside me… always trying to be as normal as can be no matter what. The resiliency of my adaptability, my perseverance, my persistence, my patience and my ability to overcome are sometimes taken for granted by me. If I lose my balance and fall, for example, I just get up, dust myself off and start walking again without listening to my inner voice. My inner voice that says, “What is happening and why are you falling more?”
I have been far more concerned about my next appointment, growing my business, or making sure my wonderful family can afford what they want in life. Never slow down…just keep forging ahead. Doesn’t sound so thoughtfully resilient, does it?
Sound familiar in your life? Be honest. Many of you have gone down the same path whether you have physical challenges like me or not.
What are you doing about your life and career to stay healthy emotionally and possibly physically?
My physical health has taken a beating now because of my attitude…especially as I head into my mid-50s.
I have been lucky in a sense…and probably more fortunate than Whitney and maybe some of you. Over the last two months, I was given a number of quite grave warning signs that forced me to listen to my inner voice and focus on me. Yes, me…not expectations of society or others. My falls (from walking) have increased dramatically since December, which has led to concussions and momentary paralysis. Could I fall and accidentally kill myself?
You have your own unique life challenges, but these increased falls really woke me up. I’m now going to have spinal surgeries to help eliminate the possibilities of paralysis and other more life-changing consequences. Still serious stuff, but I am listening and focusing in on what’s best for me.
I’m not suggesting you be self-centered or stop listening to the expectations of others. As probably Whitney didn’t, please listen to your inner voice and make sure your life and work actions are best and most healthy for you.
Now, that’s a great and healthy expectation for yourself! As I have, I suggest you try it for a test drive…
Thanks, again, for your readership of my resiliency pieces. My newest e-book on anti-bullying will be on my web site – www.resiliencyfirst.com. Please also check out my other books, articles and videos.
I hope you are having a resilient day!
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