If someone were to ask, "Are you happy?" how would you respond? If the answer is "yes," good for you! You've clearly found a formula in life that works, likely a balance between healthy relationship to self and others.
If the answer is “no” then you might benefit from further exploration of some of the common attributes of happiness. Let’s examine some of them.
Your Relationship to Self
- Self-esteem: How do you view yourself? Are you a valuable human being? Are there unattended old wounds?
- Authenticity: Are you honest about your feelings or do you try to minimize or hide them?
- Managing Emotions: Do you allow distressing feelings to overtake you? Do you beat yourself up?
- Life Purpose: Are you satisfied with your career or other roles you play? Is there meaning and passion in your life?
- Self-care: Do you know what it looks like to take care of yourself? Do you do it?
Your Relationship to Others
- View of others/the world: Do you generally believe people can be trusted?
- Intimate partnerships: Have you had loving, healthy relationships? Do you believe you deserve to give and receive love? Are your relationships stable or volatile?
- Family: Are you free to give and receive love to your children, parents and extended family? Are there obstacles blocking these connections such as diffuse boundaries or old unhelpful patterns of relating?
- Friendships: Are you connected to supportive others, whether it be two people or dozens? If this is not important to you have you examined why? If your friendships have not been healthy, why is this so?
- Life Balance: Do your scales tip over so far onto one side or the other that there are consequences for your relationships – or for yourself?
According to a recent article in The Greater Good Science Center in Berkeley, CA., there are "6 Habits of Happiness." They are:
- mindfulness
- gratitude
- forgiveness
- social connections
- exercise
- being kind
A lack of happiness (or in some cases, depression) impacts the individual and their relationships. If happiness seems like a long way away and you've been unsuccessful at improving your situation on your own, a therapist can help. As a therapist myself, emotional health (including happiness) is something many struggle with for a myriad of reasons, some of which may be more complicated. Family of origin wounds and trauma can seriously impact happiness.
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Lisa Brookes Kift, MFT is a therapist in Marin working with individuals and couples . Learn more about her practice at http://www.MarinTherapyandCounseling.com.
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