As we partake in the many activities during the Fourth of July that are celebrated in the United States, how aware are we of the freedoms we !n-joy? Independence Day has long been celebrated as a recognition of freedom which is our birthright. So what does being independent mean to you and how are you living it? There is a very insightful book by David Deida “Intimate Communion” that explores the different ways to be in relationships. Although a great portion of the book focuses on masculine and feminine energy, the chapter on “The Three Stages of Intimacy” spotlights how the different forms of independence affects relationships.
In discussing the three styles of intimacy, they are explained as 1) Dependence Relationship; 2) 50/50 Relationship and 3) Intimate Communion.
A dependence relationship involves partners who become dependent on each other for money, emotional support, etc. Although the physical aspect is usually good, partners usually begin to feel limited by the financial or power imbalance that is the cornerstone of this relationship style. In transitioning to the next relationship style, partners learn to build personal boundaries and take care of themselves rather than always focusing on their significant others needs. This style is a 50/50 relationship where two independent people enter into relationship to work out an equal arrangement. In an attempt to balance their inner Masculine and Feminine qualities, the partners negotiate an equitable split of financial and household responsibilities. The issue that comes up in these relationships is the loss of aliveness and passion of their Masculine and Feminine energies which are not naturally equally balanced. This can also be called the Independent Relationship.
After partners grow tired and restless with dependent relationships and grow weary of the lack of passion with independent relationships, there is the potential to evolve in the practice of a more loving and spontaneous connection. In the Intimate Communion style, partners grow beyond a 50/50 relationship letting go of being guarded of giving unconditional love. One of my favorite parts of this style is “we learn that love is something you do, not something you “fall into” or “out of”. “Love is something you practice”. When you engage in it, you do it, you feel it, you embrace it, you embody it, you exude it. It is you and you are it. It is the ultimate in be-ing in that whether we are hurt, rejected or resisted, the practice of loving continues as it is our ultimate essence. In this style, there is an “Intimate Communion” that we give from our core to our partner which then continues to bloom inside an out. This is the basis of be-ing Inter-dependent…the coming together in a loving relationship of independence, passion and connection allowing each partner to fully embody their own Masculine and Feminine energies weaving in and through each other.
I invite you to explore the following questions:
• What relationship style am I in now or previously?
• What relationship style would I like to be?
• What do I need to do or be to embody the style I desire?
As you understand the answers to these questions, you allow the opportunity to experience the relationship you deserve and desire.
Anthony J. Diaz
The Divorce Empowerment Coach
Coaching Website www.anthonyjdiaz.com
Law Firm Website/Blog www.DivorceWithDignityNow.com
Twitter www.twitter.com/IAmOnPurpose or @IAmOnPurpose or @TheDivorceDr
Contact Talk Radio www.ctrnetwork.com/profile/AnthonyJDiaz
Don’t Die with Your Music Still in You
When you believe it, you can weave it
You shall conceive it, you will achieve it!
You are Perfect…You are Powerful…YOU are on Purpose!!!
Now go out and live the life you dream of, desire and deserve!