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Are you (and your sweetheart) ready for phone sex?

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Keeping intimacy alive is one of the most difficult tasks to achieve in a long distance relationship. Couples can come up with different ways to make efforts to keep the flame alive, but a very popular method is the act of phone sex. Short of webcams, many people find phone sex to be the best way to let their partners know how much they’re desired despite the space. However, describing sex acts over the phone is not for everyone. Here are a few issues some may have with phone sex:

Shyness.  If you are the bashful type, you may find it very difficult to express yourself in explicit terms. No matter how much a person yearns for their lover’s touch, some cannot spit out the words to describe their desires without stammering, turning beet red, cracking their voice, giggling, or just shutting down and not saying anything. The best solution for this is to allow the more open person to take the lead when having phone sex. Even if he doesn’t feel like he can do so, if the male is the more expressive, then he should set the pace, or vice versa, until the partner is more comfortable sharing her wants. Perhaps the couple could write their feelings on paper before getting started to make things easier. Someone I was dating long distance came up with a way for both of us to break our shyness: She suggested that we each find dirty stories from magazines or the internet that got our individual motors running, and we read those stories to each other. It breaks the ice of saying those certain words over the phone, and it also gives you some insight into what gets your honey hot and bothered, always good knowledge.

Experience. One partner having more experience at phone sex than the other is a good thing if the less experienced one needs to be shown the way. But a problem can arise when the more experienced partner doesn’t want to share his expertise, or when the less experienced feels resentment. Similar to when two people with varying sexual experiences date, two people with different degrees of phone sex familiarity have to reconcile any issues stemming from those past affairs. A problem I had was not wanting to have phone sex with a less experienced, more innocent woman because I didn’t want to equate her with the dirty encounters I had before meeting her. She called it the Madonna-Whore Syndrome, because I was putting her on such a pedestal that I treated her as a saint and didn’t want to come close to treating her like a whore, which is how I was regarding phone sex. I had to realize that innocent girls need to get dirty once in a while, too. On the other side, if a partner feels that she doesn’t want to try phone sex because her man has been around the block a few times before her, she has to work on realizing that he had many experiences before she came along, and these made him who he is; she should be happy that he wants to use his skills on her now and no one else.

Aftermath. The biggest issue I had with phone sex was something that I did not anticipate, and it surprised me. It was the empty feeling that I had after it was over. Long-distance relationships sometimes produce feelings of extreme loneliness and wishing that your partner was there beside you right that minute, but I never felt it more than after a session of phone sex was over and I was left sitting there by myself in an empty apartment. The intimate level of any kind of sex lends itself to a unity between the partners, but it’s very challenging to feel closer to someone who’s not there. This is something that lovers have to be honest with each other about, and work hard to combat. If you feel very lonely afterwards, reach out and let him know. If your lover wants to hang up immediately afterwards, convince him to hang on a little longer. The point of phone sex is to connect despite the distance, so couples should do whatever it takes to make sure that one of them isn’t left feeling out in the cold after the hot flash is over.

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