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Are you a 'default woman'?

A 'default woman' diminishes herself by her willingness to accept the default position.
A 'default woman' diminishes herself by her willingness to accept the default position.

I was thinking about the plight and sadness of 'default women' today.
Then I thought to compose a definition.


A default woman prides herself in the depth of her love and the strength of her commitment to the man of her dreams, although her position is consistently ‘backseat’ and ’second best.’ She is the woman who is always available when there is nothing better.

The default woman is adept at posturing and jumping at opportunities. She delights in crumbs. She plays her cards with precision (the nostalgia card, the family card…), while holding tightly to all the reasons/proof why he should be with her.

The default woman is oblivious to the reality that her eagerness to accept this demeaning role causes others to diminish her also; or that if she were able to cherish herself, she would be unveiling her value for the world to see.

Are you a 'default woman'? Had enough? Ready for change? Let's talk - 720.206.4777.

Pam Babbitt, S.I., is a recognized and respected Sex and Relationship Coach. Located in Boulder, Colorado, she offers in-person and phone sessions. Pam is also the Founder/Editor of -- an all-inclusive resource for sexuality, relationships and tantra, including a Directory of Sex and Relationship Professionals and Calendar of Events.

For great sex and relationship tips and good conversation, please join our Facebook fans. You may reach Pam at, or 888-719-7119.

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  • Hannee 4 years ago

    The default woman reminds me of the role played by Kate Winslett in the movie, The Holidays. Well, all I can say is that, you should be playing the role of the leading lady in your own life. If you are consistently playing the role of the best friend or supporting actress, something is wrong... because you HAVE what it takes to be the leading lady if you only let yourself be. :) And when you do, you'll finally feel something closely resembling GUMPTION.

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    Pam Babbitt 4 years ago

    Thanks for your thoughts Hannee. Ah...gumption...that's a word we don't hear often enough.

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