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Are they the one?

what's on your list?
what's on your list?
photo by Emily Kirkendoll

The new year is still fresh on our minds and the first kiss of 2010 may still linger in our hearts but personal experience says that with the life evaluation that always comes with the holiday you may be wondering about that partner of yours.  Nothing is more confusing than trying to figure out what makes you truly happy in a relationship and until you stumble upon love, as I learned the hard way, you really don't know.  Six months ago I face planted into a relationship I wasn't looking for after a 4 year long episode with my now ex.  I have learned through many a night of mascara stained pillow cases what is really important and what puts the blinders on your heart.  I know now exactly what I should have been looking for all along.

Telling Mr./Mrs. Right from Mr./Mrs. Really Good Looking is a talent learned with age and heartache.  While a few of my friends are still choosing the latter option because it works for them most acquaintances of mine are blindly looking for the "one". There's a lot of advice out there, some biased some basic and some bland.  My thinking is that the individual needs guidelines that they can shape around their own experience.  A few tips can go along way. The first thing to assess in your relationship or whatever you're calling it is infact, what are you calling it?  It's time to sit down with that special someone and come to common ground on exactly what it is that you are.  I went a month without realizing I was in a relationship, after the discussion I was thrilled to know I had a real adult boyfriend. As it turns out, we were equally crazy about each other.  Don't be upset if this isn't the case in your own experience.  Do come to an understanding you both agree on, otherwise you both may be in the wrong place.

After you understand where you both are coming from really look at how you both compliment each others character and concentrate on the pros and cons of your relationship. This isn't high school anymore and it does matter if you can stand their company for more than 12 hours.  It can seem overwhelming and maybe even a little scary but if you don't think this person is worth taking the time to work all of this out in your head then they aren't worth the extra water utilities. It's also okay to get your friends' advice on this subject. If you're no longer happy, they'll see it. However, maturity and contentment may come off as you being a recluse. Only you know what is going on in your life. Ultimately, your decisions have to be made by you.

If they're good enough for you  and really add something special to your life that wasn't there before. If they make you grow as a person and you see the possibilities as endless with them by your side, next is the hard part.  What does your family think? If they haven't met your special someone yet, try warming your family up to them by mentioning your partner in conversation.  The decision to meet the parents is a pretty big one and should be a place of comfort and care on both parts.  If after their meeting either party is less than impressed it could be a serious problem.  You don't want to lose other important people in your life over someone you're not sure about.  If this is the problem you are facing and you're sure about who you have chosen to be with, get to the root of the problem and nip it in the butt.  If they don't like their style or even their political stand find things they do agree on and reintroduce them through these outlets. If the problem is deeper and more concerning like unwillingness to accept a same sex partner or interracial relationship it will inevitably come down to your heart of hearts true happiness and a hope that they will one day come to accept both you and the love you have found in another person.

Finally, it's okay to be different.  If you were dating a carbon copy of yourself, do you think you'd really be happy? I personally would drive myself insane.  It's the little differences that can be beautiful or brutal.  Find out which is your situation.  Your life can be full of adventure and common interest with that Mr./Mrs. Right so don't forget you have to give to get. The same goes for your honey.  Take these titbit's and go make sure this is number one and not just another number.