From a social and moral perspective, lying is usually not a healthy habit to develop. But is it ever OK to bend the truth and tell a "little white lie"? Small white lies are understood as untruths that are told for someone else's good with the intention to prevent harm.
Dr. Robi Ludwig, a nationally known psychotherapist, offers four instances when little white lies are permissible:
1. When the whole truth can hurt someone else's feelings and do more harm than good
2. To foster the imagination and magic of holidays for children, such as Santa Claus, Easter Bunny, and Tooth Fairy fibs
3. When offering passing pleasantries such as "I'm fine, thank you"
4. In order to compliment someone or make it easier for people to get along as a social politeness
The ability to tell a white lie actually starts at a young age and is often encouraged, i.e. "Tell Aunt Sue you loved the wool sweater." Victoria Talwar, a psychologist at McGill University has done extensive research on the role of lying during childhood. She observed that children as young as 3 or 4 start lying themselves, and with repeated exposure to lies, they are more likely to role model the behavior. Talwar claims, "They're definitely influenced by their parents...If the parents lie, the kids will pick that up more as a strategy. They learn it as a way to manipulate and get what they want or conceal things they want to get out of."
Talwar also reports that little white lies by kids are a positive developmental milestone and part of normal brain development, suggesting that "pro-social" lying is evidence of the ability to show sympathy and empathy.
However, by their late 20s and early 30s adults should be aware that integrity speaks of character traits and the quality of relationships formed, whether professional, parental, romantic, platonic, or familial. So at what point does a little white lie become a series of "hard lies"? Examine your underlying motives in any situation involving untruths or partial truths. Are you lying to protect someone else, or are you lying to protect yourself?
Affirmations: I live in integrity. I am honest with myself and others. I live my truth and align myself with people and situations of integrity. I admit my true feelings, thoughts, and actions to myself and others in the highest and best way.
Photo: Wikimedia Commons/Redfoxtracks
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