Looks like Dagwood Bumstead should've spent more time shoveling money into his 401K and less time spending it on sandwiches to be stuffed into his mouth.
In today's revealing episode of "Blondie," Dagwood and Blondie learn an awful truth: They have saved next to nothing for their golden years and are headed for a tenure as senior citizens in which they will be entirely dependent on their kids, man-crazy Cookie and shiftless Alexander.
"If that's your nest egg, it's going to hatch one skinny bird!" says a stunned planner at the Bumsteads' retirement advisory of choice.
By the way, we Googled "Wintermeier Retirement Consultants" and found there's a business with this name in Largo, Fla. - making us wonder if "Blondie" scribe Dean Young is a) based there - Largo once housed an outlet of the now-defunct "Dagwoods" deli chain; and b) if he's considering getting out of the cartooning game himself.
In any case, the Bumsteads' discovery is a frightening one. While it's true Blondie only started working outside the home in 1991, having a dual income for 22 years ought to have put the duo on sound enough financial footing for their twilight years, no?
Perhaps not: Dagwood, who has been working for J.C Dithers & Co. for many decades, may well have started with the firm well before anyone had heard of a 401K. Too bad, for we fear whatever pension Dithers may have promised him back in 1932 has gone underfunded since the late 1980s. And with Blondie running her own food-service operation, we suspect she's plowed whatever profit she's eked out right back into the business (besides how much of what she takes in is done so under the table?).
Why should any of us be concerned about the Bumsteads' finances? Because, dear reader, if they cannot afford to retire, we are going to have to read their same limited array of attempts at humor until - at this rate - well past 2035. Yes, get ready for several decades more of Dagwood eating sandwiches, Dagwood getting kicked in the patoot by his boss, and, well, need we go on?
Let this be a lesson for all you venerable funnies-page characters out there: Set aside some money for a rainy day. Whether you're Hi Flagston, toiling away at the legendary firm of Foofram Industries., or the winsome lasses of "Apartment 3-G," picking up short-term position after short-term position, you will eventually age - albeit at a slower rate than people who read you.
Today's unfortunate disclosure ensures we'll be reading about Dagwood and Blondie even when ol' Dag is no longer able to down one of those famous five-layer hoagies he regularly consumes, and is instead forced to dazzle us by gumming a bowl of Cream of Wheat.
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