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Answer to a Request for Dating Advice

Today I’m going to answer a question that a reader sent me. If you need any love advice, please leave a comment with your situation or question or send me an email. Don’t worry about leaving your full name if you don’t want to.

Q: I’m an independent girl, and my friends are always telling me that guys get intimidated and that's why they don't approach me. I am never afraid to approach a guy, but I wouldn't mind him coming to me for once... any advice? – Capri

A: Capri- I think it is awesome that you aren’t afraid to approach guys. As I said in my article, "How to Find Love", it is 2010 and most of the old dating rules were thrown out the window long ago. If your friends tell you that you are intimidating to guys, it’s probably because you are so confident. Sometimes that can come off as being cocky and that is a turn off, especially to nice guys who really are looking for love, not just a hook up. So make sure you look out for that when talking to guys: be confident, but not cocky.

I know you said you want guys to come up to you for a change. Guys being intimidated is a common problem, especially for girls who are really attractive. Here is the key to how to get guys to approach you. Flirt from a far to give them an opening. If you spot a guy from across the room that you want to come up to you, first, make sure he’s not too far away and you are in his view. Then, wait until he looks your way and smile at him (closed mouth smile). Make eye contact… that is key. It gives him an opening that says “Come talk to me, I’m interested.” 

Make sure you are not talking to any other guys. Even though they might be your friends, guys who don’t know you aren’t aware of that and they might mistake a guy friend or even your brother for your boyfriend.

If you are with girlfriends, interact with them, laugh and smile so you look like a fun person to be around (which you probably are).

Then give him the ultimate opening, walk past time “to go to the bathroom,” and give him eye contact, maybe “accidentally” brush against his arm. Hopefully by the time you come out of the bathroom, he’ll have worked up enough confidence to come talk to you. Also at this point you’ve given enough clear signals that show you are single and you want to mingle. If he doesn’t try to talk to you within the next 10 minutes, he’s probably a coward, and who wants a coward anyway?

Guys, if you read this, take note… girls that are acting this way are trying to tell you “Come talk to me! I think I might like you.” Also, don’t be intimidated by pretty girls, the worst that can happen is they say no… and then who cares? There are a lot of other girls who would like to talk to you. Just look around and see who’s giving you the eye.

Capri, I hope this helps and don’t stop approaching guys and being the confident girl you are. It’s rare that a girl is happy with herself to the point that she doesn’t have a problem being the conversation starter. I hope this advice helps you out and allows you to switch roles for a change and let the guys come to you. Just make yourself available and guys will approach you. Also read my article "How to Find Love" it might help too.


  • Doni 5 years ago

    good advice.

  • J. Glass 5 years ago

    You go girl!! sarah ur doing awesome!! that was truly awesome advice!!

  • confused 5 years ago

    i started talking to this guy about a year ago and we totally hit it off. we starting dating and as things got a little more serious, i fell more in love with him each day. he's been dealt a pretty crappy hand as far as relationships go. he told me that at one point in our "relationship" that had no official title, and was never declared exclusive, that he had thought about asking me to marry him. he then decided to tell me, in the same conversation, that the "spark" he once had for me is gone. only problem is... im still head over heals in love with him. we say i love you, he called me sweetheart and babe, etc. but has told me he wants to find love, and it's not with me, he wants me to still a best friend. im not trying to justify anything, but i feel like we are together so much that its almost hurt us in a sense that we dont have time to miss each other... i feel like if i give him a chance to miss me he might realize what he is missing out on. should i hold out hope or drop him?

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