The story coming out of the sleepy North Shore community of Waimea was covered in all our media: KHON: http://www.khon2.com/news/local/story/Victim-in-apparent-murder-suicide-was-avid-North/HqX8BkMDOUmXxZB6SWH7kA.cspx Hawaii News Now: http://www.hawaiinewsnow.com/story/16942861/shooting-reported-in-haleiwa KITV: http://www.kitv.com/news/30466616/detail.html and the Star Advertiser: http://www.staradvertiser.com/s?action=login&f=y&id=139425998 - another murder-suicide in "paradise" - just days after the Yasuhara murder-suicide in the upscale neighborhood of Hawaii Kai. http://www.hawaiinewsnow.com/story/16918567/older-couple-dead-in-apparent-murder-suicide
What weighs partricularly heavy on my heart regarding the Kaufman murder is that two children were left behind: a 4 and 14 year-old.
Many years ago there was some “good news” about trauma: if the trauma was experienced by a child 5 years of age and under, the chances were that by the time he/she became an adult, he/she wouldn’t remember or recall the traumatic event because his/her brain was too young to comprehend and understand so it was almost “no harm, no foul” in terms of long-lasting repercussions. Today, we know better…
Whereas we previously thought that the younger a child was, the more resilient and impervious he/she would be to long-term psychological damage from trauma, we now know that young children – and even infants – are actually at an increased risk of vulnerability. In a report by Dr. Erin R. Barnett and Dr. Jessica Hamblen, http://www.ptsd.va.gov/professional/pages/trauma_ptsd_attachment.asp the harmful biological effects of trauma on infants and children are illustrated:
…early stress and trauma can alter the brain and have long-term effects across many domains, including physical, mental, and emotional development.
So are we talking actual brain damage here? YES, we are.
While I haven’t heard of or come across any sure-fire therapies on how to undo the trauma of your mom being killed by your dad and now he’s either deceased as well or in jail facing a life (or death) sentence for it, there are actually two resources for child survivors that are certainly worth a try.
The first is an “exercise” program called “Brain Gym”. http://braingym.org/ While Brain Gym was not created with the traumatized child in-mind, the premise in doing the exercises is this: if trauma reduces, hinders and stifles brain growth and development then doing exercises that specifically increase, stimulate and support brain growth and development will counteract the harmful effects of the trauma.
The next is an awesome program called “Kids Hurt Too” http://www.grievingyouth.org/wordpress/ that provides
- crisis management
- peer support and mentoring programs
- education, training and workshops
all focused on healing young hearts that have been broken through parental loss. Kids Hurt Too helps grieving children, teens, parents and families through support and a healing environment, not counseling, taking “a healthy approach” to grief – seeing it as a normal, natural reaction to loss.
While I "should know better" then to read the COMMENTS section of news stories (typically more upsetting then the story itself) one in particular from the Yasuhara murder stood out:
Sad, One cannot go on without the other, That is true love , Romeo and Juliet. Rest in peace.
Last I knew, "true love" didn't include the use of a semi-automatic weapon so please, let's not romanticize homicides because I'm pretty sure the lasting memory for the child survivors of murder-suicides (both adult and minors) is anything BUT "Romeo & Juliet".
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