A Waco man woke up to find his cellphone missing on Wednesday morning after a late night of partying. The phone is still missing.
"I had been sitting at the bar at Dallas Eagle talking with some friends around 1:30 Tuesday night," said David Eggers, 34. "Last thing I remember someone bought me a Jager bomb, which I probably didn't need. When I woke up the next morning on my buddy's couch, my phone was missing."
Eggers, a shift manager at Taco Bell, said he promptly called the bar that morning, but no one answered. "The phone rang and rang and then played a greeting before going to voicemail. I left a few messages. When I checked their website, I found out the bar opened late afternoons, so decided to call back around 5 p.m."
The daytime bartender who answered the phone wasn’t very helpful, according to Eggers. "I explained the situation to the guy, and he seemed to have this whole attitude about it. It was obvious he didn't care about me or my phone. He told me nothing had been turned in to Lost and Found right off the bat, when I knew he hadn't even had time to check."
Eggers said the bartender became abusive when he was asked to double check Lost and Found. "He slammed his phone down against something, which I assume was the bar top. I heard him making footstep sounds against the counter with what were probably his knuckles. Then I heard whispering and I'm pretty sure I heard him tell the other customers I was 'an idiot', because they all started snickering."
The bartender, Robert Stahl, disputes Eggers accusations. "I don't know what this guy wants from me. I checked the damn Lost and Found and the phone wasn't there. Does he think I'm a magician, that I can just magically produce the phone out of thin air?"
Mr. Stahl went on to say he is frustrated by the amount of phone calls he gets from people who stayed out too late doing foolish things the night before. "Seriously, I work during the daytime to avoid all the bullsh** that goes on at night. These phone calls are getting out of control. It's either 'I lost my phone' or 'I can't find my credit card' or 'Is my car still there?' These losers need to get a grip before they call the bar and waste my time."
A follow up call to the owner of the Dallas Eagle seems to corroborate the bartender's story. "Robert's a very helpful employee," says owner Mark Frazier. "Every once in awhile he forgets to take his meds and gets a little loopy, but that doesn’t happen too often. If he says the phone wasn't there, then I believe him."
At press time. Mr. Eggers remains frustrated about the ordeal. "I just want my phone back."
For more info: This article is satire, meant for entertainment purposes only. However, it does reveal one shred of truth: daytime bartender Robert Stahl does work at the Dallas Eagle, where he is frequently known to be off his meds.
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