There can a subtle, not real obvious mood of anger in any marriage. Do you find that you sometimes since sarcasm in the tone of your spouse. It’s possible that some of that sarcasm if fueled by anger or frustration.
The good news is that it doesn’t always have something to do with you. So, very often couples deal with this very quiet slow erosion. Anger is not always load and obvious. Keep in mind as read that it is key remember that hurting people hurt people. Excessive anger is one of the major sources of marital and family stress.
The recognition, understanding and resolution of this powerful emotion are important for the health and happiness of marriages, children, and families. We will demonstrate how to resolve marital anger through a process of understanding and of growing in the virtues that can result in self-mastery over this powerful and complex emotion that we all experience daily.
But, I must ask, is your anger depression driven? What is your anger possibly protecting you from, meaning what other emotion is protected by your anger? The impact of angry, turbulent marriages is substantial: for example, research demonstrated that unhappy marriages were a risk factor for depression and were associated with a 25 fold increase relative to happy marriages.
Similarly, researchers have found a 10-fold increase in risk for depressive symptoms associated with marital discord. Marital conflict and anger are also associated with increased blood pressure, impaired immune function, and a poorer prognosis for spouses with coronary artery disease and congestive heart failure.
So why do we choose anger when it is unhealthy all the way around? In marriage, anger rivals lust as a killer. My guess is that anger is a worse enemy than lust. It also destroys other kinds of camaraderie. Some people have more anger than they think, because it has disguises.
When willpower hinders rage, anger smolders beneath the surface, and the teeth of the soul grind with frustration. Again, what is your anger protecting you from? It can come out in tears that look more like hurt. But the heart has learned that this may be the only way to hurt back. It may come out as silence because we have resolved not to fight.
It may show up in picky criticism and relentless correction. It may strike out at persons that have nothing to do with its origin. It will often feel warranted by the wrongness of the cause. If a person gives place to anger and goes with it wherever it takes them, and if they say and do whatever feels good at the moment as they release that anger toward their spouse, it is abuse.
There is a difference between simply getting angry about something, and letting anger become a weapon that crushes a person’s heart, beats down their spirit, or hurts their physical body. Someone who will allow their anger to go that far has a mental and emotional disorder and needs professional help.
In order to be free of that kind of anger disorder and the abuse that comes as a result of it, may I suggest that you get help. Abusive people love their anger to the point of actually looking for ways to be angry. Anger empowers them and fuels the fire they love to fan into flame. It gives them what they perceive as control.
But actually, anger illustrates their utter lack of control. Lashing out and yelling at someone God has given you to love. I once had a friend that was battling ager say to me, “I see my wife as a gift from God, I feel to be mad at her and to disrespect her is to mad at and disrespectful to God.” Wow! Words to live by.