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An Open Letter to George Clooney

George Clooney
George Clooney

Dear George Clooney:

My name is Shani Harris. And I’d like to win a dream date with you so I’m entering a contest to walk the red carpet in New York City at the Monuments Men premiere and have VIP access to the after party on February 4th.

You can imagine my surprise when I heard an announcement for a contest to win a date with one of Hollywood’s most eligible leading men.

I was in as soon as I heard that all I needed was to make a $10 dollar charitable donation by visiting The winner also gets to ride in a limo with you and go backstage at David Letterman. Who would believe that I could get all that for only 10 bucks? Oh my God!

I’d like to say that I am a fan of your work and I’ve seen almost all of your films. Although I must admit that I never had the extreme level of fandom to delve into your back catalog of movies and watch your performance in “Return of The Killer Tomatoes.”

I have respected your talent as an Oscar winning actor, producer and director.

I’m not ashamed to admit that I’ve always had a crush on you George Clooney.

I liked E.R. George Clooney. I fondly remember when the former Sexiest Man alive was rocking the Caesar haircut. You made it look hot. I became obsessed with Out of Sight George Clooney. I can’t contain myself every time I see that fantasy scene where you’re splashing around in the bathtub and you seductively pull Jennifer Lopez into the steam with you. Rub-A-Dub-Dub. Who can forget the locked in the trunk scene when your character nervously rambles on while you’re fondling JLo’s bodacious booty?

My favorite part of the movie is the scene when you both meet in the bar and pretend that you don’t know each other and then move your seduction to a hotel bedroom. This is hands down one of the best love scenes of all time.

I also like dapper Ocean’s Eleven George Clooney. He melts your heart with his puppy dog eyes and has a Cary Grant quality that is very appealing.

Ironically, the first time we met was on the red carpet at the New York premiere for your last outing as a director on the movie “The Ides of March.” You were very gracious to the press while promoting the movie and of course the world was obsessed with your love life.

Everyone was playing the guessing game about whether or not you were dating Stacy Keibler. You took Stacy as your date to the LA premiere. But she was noticeably absent from the NY premiere, which gave women hope that there was a chance that one of the most eligible bachelors in the world was still single. Guests flocked to the after party once the Zeigfield theater screening ended.

I was lucky enough to be part of the crowd. I remember making my way into a circle of your peers who were anxiously congratulating you for making a wonderful film. It’s all a blur now. I think that I got a chance to say congrats and shake your hand. It all happened so quickly. I didn’t even get a chance to take a selfie to commemorate the occasion. This time I won’t have any fuzzy memories because I am determined to win this date.

I was on the other side of the red carpet weeks later. That was the day when you made your official outing with Stacy Keibler as your date to the Descendants premiere in New York City. You broke a lot hearts that day, George. Who would have thought you would be back on the single’s market again?

It helps me to think of this opportunity as a rare “Willy Wonka” like golden lottery ticket. It is the ultimate prize.

You don’t know it but we both have a lot in common when it comes to overcoming awkward stages of adolescence. I’ve seen some of your childhood pictures and you have definitely come a long way in the looks department.

I am African-American but I can relate to your awkward phase. Because I was once a bookish, pimply-faced little girl with a Jheri curl.

Which is why I think that your fantasy date night will provide the boost that I need to give my love life a shot of adrenaline.

Although I will need a massive therapy session to help me out after my dream date fantasy comes true. My goal is not to make a love connection. It’s to ease the sting of spending Valentines Day alone without a special someone.

Our interracial dating scenario won't be an issue because you used to be "down with the swirl" before you became mega famous. I did my research.

Check out a photo of myself standing next to Magic Mike star Matt Bomer. It's a sneak preview of what we're going to look like standing together on February 4th.

Don’t worry... I’m not going to pull an Angelina Jolie and stick out my leg when I get a chance to make my first official debut on a red carpet.

But I will put my best foot forward to help spread the word about all the charitable causes you have been involved with to help people in the world. You were named a United Nations Messenger of Peace in 2008 to help raise awareness about the U.N.’s global peacekeeping efforts. You must also receive praise for trying to raise money for the Satellite Sentinel Project to stop human rights violations in the Darfur region of the Sudan.

I do remember that you offered a dream date to the Ocean’s 13 premiere to support the Realizing the Dream charity. This non-profit seeks to continue the legacy and work of Dr. and Mrs. King in wiping out poverty and injustice. You are a true humanitarian.

By the way, George: If you are reading this. I forgot to mention that I already live in New York City so that helps you save the money on two airfares. I just don’t understand why I would have to share my once in a lifetime dream date with a friend. Who cares if I’m being selfish? My only goal is to win a date with you.

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