Dear Breaking Bad fans,
I know you're hurting. By now, you've watched the last new episode of Breaking Bad you'll ever see. And that -- that's incomprehensible, right? How can you continue on living knowing you'll never feel again the feelings of anticipation when you'd start a new episode of Breaking Bad? Like the post-wedding blues, when brides are overwhelmed by depression after the buildup to that big day is done, you're suffering a loss. I'm not. I'm your friend who's never seen the show. But as a human being, this is where I should still offer my condolences. I should. But I'm not going to do that. And here's why...
I've been suffering too. Because of you. You're insufferable. you've been insufferable! You guys haven't shut up since the show began in January of 2008, five long seasons ago, through all 62 episodes spanning five long years. Even when you were pissed off about the direction the show was taking during certain seasons, you know which ones they are, you still didn't stop ranting and raving. And this week has been no different. I've had to deal with your incessant predictions via facebook and Twitter, on top of articles and blog posts covering every single inch of the web non-stop. And I've got another week ahead of me of you rehashing the finale.
As if dealing with your commentary on the show itself wasn't annoying enough, I also had to face your criticism upon learning that I, unlike you, haven't seen a single episode. You inevitably replied, "Oh my god, you should! Do you live under a rock? Have you not heard of this amazing show?" Like it's possible, with you around, for anyone not to know that Breaking Bad exists. Living under a rock would be no protection from your hordes. I also had to deal with this equally frustrating and frequent response, "What's wrong with you?!"
I'll tell you what's wrong with me. You are. Even if the buzz during season one was enough to pique my curiosity, I wasn't going to change my mind. Standing up to your ceaseless bullying about my choice not to watch the show, my Constitutional right as an American (trust me, it's in there somewhere) not to watch, became a badge of honor and courage for me and those like me.
While I will always respect people who love TV as much as myself, whether it's a show I watch or not, you Breaking Bad fans are the exception. You're rabid and must be put down. Thankfully, the show reaching its conclusion is the cure. And you should know, I didn't choose not to watch to be ironic or anti-Establishment. I didn't watch the show for the simple reason that there are a ton of shows on television and we all make choices when the new seasons are announced. And thankfully, with Netflix and DVDs and Hulu and a million other technological marvels, those decisions aren't permanent. But no, you couldn't understand that, could you?
Which brings us back to your current feelings of depression and loss and my indifference to your pain. Actually, that's not totally true. I'd like to make it worse. To kick you when you're down, I'd like you all to think about this. You will never see another new episode of Breaking Bad. Never. Never again will Walt, Skylar, Jesse, or Hank grace your TV screens in any capacity other than a rerun or a recording.
Here's where it gets worse. With confirmation that a finale commensurate with the show's creativity and originality from day one bookends this series, and the fact that I don't have to watch it with you all, I've reconsidering my original stance. You see, while your joy is gone, mine is just beginning. I have all 62 episodes of this award-winning series ahead of me, and I won't even have to deal with the giant hiatuses that made those 62 episodes take almost five years for you to get through. This is going to be fun. Oh, and I plan on being noisy as hell about it. Karma's a bitch, eh? (I'm laughing maniacally now.)
Wait. Oh, I can't leave you that way. After all, I've fallen in love with shows before. Had my heart broken before. I've felt your pain. And like telling that bride that there will be other momentous days in her future, days that will rival her wedding day, there will be new series to fall in love with in your future. Before Breaking Bad, another show was called the best drama ever (The Wire, Mad Men, and M*A*S*H to name a few.) And another one will after Breaking Bad. So, take solice in that fact. And just wait for Vince Gilligan to write the spin-off Better Call Saul. But maybe, just maybe, endeavor to be a little less obnoxious about it?
Best wishes on a speedy recovery!
Your friend who didn't watch Breaking Bad... yet
PS - Included are some must see videos linked to every Breaking Bad.
PSS - To aid in your healing, I also leave you with this link to a farewell to the show from the show's cast and crew.