Boobs. Just what exactly is it about boobs that either drives men wild with desire or mad with conservative fanaticism that leads to ridiculous laws? This is apparently the case as one North Carolina Republican lawmaker, Tim Moore, has introduced House Bill 34 – a Class H felony that would implicate women for “purposefully expos(ing) “private parts” for the “purpose of arousing or gratifying sexual desire.”
Hmmn. How do you prove that in a court a law? How do you convince a judge and jury that a woman expressly set out that particular day to pick out an outfit that would expose her nipples in such a way that it would cause men to froth at the mouth – chomp at the bit if you will – in overwhelming desire. And what about “gratifying sexual desire”? Does it go without saying that a woman’s nipples are so amazing that a man’s sexual desires are immediately satisfied upon viewing them?
It seems Tim Moore doesn’t know that women pick out their outfits for very selfish reasons; to feel good about themselves and their appearance, not to whip men (and women) into a heated pool of lust that might earn them six months in jail. Yes! The punishment for violating this law if it should pass would be six months in jail for a first-time offender. We can’t even get life-time pedophiles in jail for six months on a first offense!
Tim Moore doesn’t care. No sir. Tim Moore has a real grudge against nipples. Perhaps he was denied breast feeding as a child. Maybe he was the school nerd who never got to second base. Who knows? Whatever the case, Tim Moore has an answer for all women who have a problem with his bill; duct tape your nipples! I kid you not.
The Raw Story reports Moore as saying “You know, duct tape fixes everything.”
Worse than a conservative man trying to deny an entire state of the glorious nipple is a woman who co-sponsors that piece of tax-payer waste. Rep. Rayne Brown says she is throwing her two nips—er sense into this bill because last summer activists held a topless women’s rights rally in Asheville where nearly a dozen women (say it ain’t so!) bared their breast in protest.
This leads to the questions of why Americans are so prudish about boobs? In Africa, whole tribes of women walk around topless all day every day without inciting uncontrollable lust in their men. Europeans have topless weather girls and boob-baring fashion shows and no males end up arrested for taking to the streets foaming at the mouth in lust. In France, you’ll find billboard size ads of topless women and yet French men are unmoved.
Sure, Moore and Brown were kind enough to exclude a nip-revealing-slip by breast feeding mothers, but just what is this obsession the Republican Party has with women’s private parts?
It’s time to let go of these out-dated ideas and step into this century. The only thing that makes the baring of boobs taboo is making the baring of boobs taboo!
We are not a nation of religious zealots who control the populace through ridiculous laws no matter how much the far-right fringe wish it were so. That idea is an epic fail in the Middle Eastern regions of the world. It’s an epic fail here in the US. Further, boobs do not shoot innocent children in schools. They do not rob tax-payers of their life savings. They don’t cause holes in the ozone layer, and they definitely do not lie to the American public and dupe them into supporting needless wars.
In America, we love boobs – all shapes, sizes, and colors. They dominate media in television, movies, and magazines. They are big business in the profession of plastic surgery. They make women look unique and beautiful, and by their very existence, soothe the savage beast we call man. Where the vagina is the life-giver, boobs, and their focal point - nipples, nourish those lives.
We should not allow any law to detract from the beauty of breasts whether wearing nipple pasties of their own choice, shining brightly and fully erect as “headlights” (a valuable meter by which men can gauge how well they’re performing with their ladies), or gloriously, fully bared.
Tell North Carolina to leave boobs alone!
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M. Gwynn has authored two books, Harvest and The Cat Who Wanted to be a Reindeer on Amazon.com .
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