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Alpha Female Syndrome

Alpha females; lovely and frightening
Alpha females; lovely and frightening
Photo by China Photos/Getty Images

For starters, I'm not sure this is a real term, but I can assure you this is a real issue. I'm sure that this is not just something that happens to single moms, as I know both married and single women in general who have the same struggle. There are a few different ways that this syndrome can develop or occur.

One, is time. Over time, we get used to being alone and doing things ourselves, and in our own way. It makes it tricky to allow a man into your life and let him assume certain responsibilities or duties without watching him like a hawk. We stand close by with a crooked smile that says we are trying desperately to accept what he is doing, and the way he is doing it. We have become used to doing it a certain way. What's worse is when a man comes in and expects you to change. Dear God, save us. When my ex-husband and I were first married, he would watch me fold clothes and correct me, trying to teach me how to do it like his mom. It's the kind of situation that makes you crack your neck while you put on a phony smile.

Second, is circumstance. We've been in situations where things are quite simply, up to us. We have had to become the Alpha in order to protect ourselves and/ or our family. Men have come and gone, and some of them have not done so in a peaceful manner. Survival. Protection. No Prince Charming has come in to save the day. No one was there to have our back, so like a warrior guarding her castle, we have our backs to our family, shield in one hand, sword in the other. Of course, family and friends help as they can, but sometimes you are alone, and in those times circumstance says, "You are the protector. Good luck."

Third, I think is quite simply personality. Some women are stronger than others. I'm not going to argue the point of nature vs. nurture, and I don't mean physical strength, although there are some women who frighten me more than most men do. Some females are born with a warrior's soul. Other women have a piece missing that ends up being a chip on their shoulder. My way or the highway.

God help you if, like me, you were born a strong woman, circumstance has forged you, and time has hammered you.

My free advice to women like me; breathe, relax, prioritize. You will only end up alone again sooner or later if you insist on being the Alpha in the relationship. That, or spending your life with a man you don't respect.

My free advice for men trying to love a woman like me; breathe, relax prioritize. You will, in the end, have a woman who will fight for you, die for you, respect you, and always be an adventure.

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