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"All-New Marvel Now!" Review: "X-Force" #1!

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"X-Force" wins my vote as the most boring and pointless of Marvel's relaunches. Do not buy, and if bought, throw away immediately. If read, well sorry.

RECAP:

Cable has a new group of mutants to do black ops dirty work; Psylocke, Marrow, Fantomex, and Dr. Nemesis providing tech support. A conference in Alexandria got blown up, and Cable wants to know who. To do this, Cable decides they need a cyberweapon that was recently used in India to completely turn off and then redirect a facility's high-tech defenses.

Fantomex has been found out the location of the weapon, a plane over the Antarctic that only stops for refueling. He's found out when and where it'll happen, so they plan on hijacking the fueling plane in order to hijack the more important one. This plan involves Nemesis using a device to restore Marrow's power to grow her bones long and pointy simultaneously, at which point she skydives into the plane holding the weapon and slashes it until it blows.

Cable and X-Force get on the ground and survey the damage, and find their weapon, which turns out to be a new mutant, semi-catatonic, in a box.

REVIEW:

What?

No seriously, why the hell do I care there's a new X-Force book? Writer Si Spurrier apparently doesn't, as he gives no reason to care about anything that happens in here. It opens with Cable saying "there was an explosion, it was very serious. So we need to go to the South Pole!" What?

Maybe there's some detail I missed because I was breezing through Marrow's obtuse, ridiculous narration the entire book. She has a continuing voice-over through the whole issue where she's comparing violence to music, speaking to someone unidentified as "baby." Of course, we never see who she's talking to, and it's never important plot info, so it doesn't need to be there. It's extra word garbage designed to make our characters seem more badass.

Which nobody in the book does, in part due to Rock-He Kim's artwork. It resembles what you'd imagine Adi Granov would draw in high school. There's interesting shading and metallic textures, but the proportions are completely off and sometimes it's difficult to tell what's going on. Apparently in the first few pages Cable is in a fist-fight with someone semi-robotic bruiser (who doesn't figure into the rest of the book), but you can't necessarily tell where the other guy's head is, or what's going on with Cable's tiny, withered-looking baby arms. You basically have to read this book with eyes wide open and guess, hoping your guess is confirmed later.

"X-Force" is pointless, a failed action movie whose badass moments come across as jumbles of textures and misshapen proportions. Avoid like the plague.

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