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"All-New Marvel Now!" Review: "New Warriors" #1!

All-New Marvel Now New Warriors #1
All-New Marvel Now New Warriors #1
Marvel Comics

"New Warriors" has many strengths. It has pages which contain pictures and words, among its many achievements. And...yeah. I would safely say the most impressive part of this book is that it exists. Nothing else springs to mind.

RECAP:

Telekinetic hero Justice and annoying bouncy Speedball start up a tussle in New Salem, a town where magic users and people born of magic live. In a classic Marvel trope, they fight the Salem Seven, a group of magicians and monsters literally born of the devil, before finding our they're the good guys. So they decide to hang out, and Justice reveals they want to reform the New Warriors (this is actually the fifth attempt at a NW ongoing), but he admits they might be pointless in a world with the Avengers, and most people only remember that they blew up a town (during the "Civil War" event). Just then, fiery black and gold figures arrive, declaring tainted blood and that the town should be burned!

Meanwhile down in Mexico, Kaine and Aracely, the Scarlet Spider and Hummingbird, break up a mugging and catch some sun. At the beach, dead Atlanteans wash up on the shore, and Faira Sar Namora says she needs heroes.

In New York City, Sun Girl flies around and stops an armored truck robbery, before coming upon an explosion in a subway terminal. Investigating, she finds the dark figures blasting away at Morlocks (?).

In New Mexico (see the theme?) Nova busts up an alien at a SHIELD installation, before the dark figures appear again. Nova gets cheap-shotted in the back by the High Evolutionary, declaring that his Evolutionaries are the saviors of the human race. He ends the book declaring he now has a "Nova."

REVIEW:

The book doesn't seem to have a purpose. Justice flat-out states that Marvel doesn't need another team and that their reputation proceeds them. Judging by the events, apparently the team will be brought together by the High Evolutionary's super-genocide, but isn't that the X-Men's job? This is a "To Be Continued..." so maybe the next chapters in the arc will establish that, but I'm here reading this issue now; give me a reason to read the next issue.

Also, Speedball is reason enough to not read this book ever again. I'm not sure writer Christopher Yost thought about having him make a bunch of "war" puns, and then have Justice remind readers their team started a literal civil war. I feel like that would make any amount of time "too soon."

As it stands, I'm not sure why this book exists. The characters don't seem to have anything in common, the lead shoots down the premise almost immediately, and very little happens. It's not good enough to recommend picking up at all, but it's so middling that saying "don't buy it!" seems mean. Just pretend it doesn't exist.