With Mother's Day closely in the rearview mirror, it's time to take a look at that guy whose relationship with his mother plays third wheel to the relationship with his lady.
A Momma's Boy, as defined by Urban Dictionary.com meets one or both of the following criteria:
1) A grown male still dependent on his mother.
2) A grown male who allows or desires his mother to control most aspects or decisions of his life for him.
Guys, not sure if you qualify as a momma's boy?
- You talk to your mom more than once a day, every day
- You keep a photo of your mom on your bedside table, at the office, in your wallet, and/or in your car
- You send your mom flowers more frequently than to your girlfriend
- You invite your mom to join you on romantic dinners or vacations
- If your mom doesn't like a girl you're dating, even if you really do, you will dump her
- (along the same lines) Mom screens all your online dating matches before you contact them
- You have a decent job but still choose to live at home
- Momma still buys your supply of socks and underwear after age 22 and now buys rubbers for you
- Conversations often include or fights get started over the words, "But mother said", "Mother thinks", or "I'm not sure that Mother would like that"
- You call your mom immediately after a date or answer her call during a date
Now, of course there are going to be exceptions to these 'red flags'. Always be on the lookout for multiple signs being applicable to your situation, so as to not jump the gun. For example, maybe you called your mom after the date to remind her to take her pills because she's senile and forgets. Or maybe you live at home because your house is being built and it's not done yet. Perhaps mom buys rubbers for you because you don't have a Costco card and she does...no wait, that's still not OK.
When a son is raised by a good mom, who demonstrates a caring, nurturing, and protective attitude, he gets accustomed to this behavior. Who wouldn't want to be spoiled and taken care of?
It becomes a problem however, when it hinders your own faculties to make decisions on your own, and consequently, it prevents you from seeking out a healthy relationship with a woman besides your mother.
When you simply refuse to "cut the cord", you may honestly believe you're in a healthy relationship with your lady until she brings your momma's boy behavior to light. What you perceive as being respectful of and considerate to your mother will ultimately be exposed as an inability to lead your own life.
No one can take charge of this situation except you, and quite frankly, if you don't, it is only going to build a rift betweeen you and your lady...your current lady, or another down the road if this one decides to throw in the towel.
Like an addiction (which it is, to your mom), you have to first admit the problem exists. You must then identify the root cause of your addiction, and the addictive behaviors you demonstrate.
Next, you must confront the problem head on, by setting forth a plan to slowly break away from your patterns and make your life your own. A slow transition is recommended, because unlike an addiction to alcohol, crack, or meth, an addition to your mom probably won't cause you bodily harm or potentially kill you. After all, your objective isn't to exile her from your life completely, it's merely to revise her role as your mother, with you revising your role as a decision-making adult that can enter into and maintain healthy, intimate relationships.
Often times, this transition will be harder for her than it is for you. This rings especially true if you are an only child and/or she is a single mother. If the latter is true, perhaps it's in your best interest to get her back in the dating game, or at the very least, in situations where she has people her own age to join her on casino day trips or Wednesday night Bingo.
Once you're able to cleanse yourself of the Momma's Boy branding, you will feel more confident about yourself and be able to enter into healthy relationships.
While it is certainly important that your mom and your significant other get along if you plan to make a long-term commitment to her, it is substantially more important that you and her have a solid foundation built on trust and respect, neither of which will be present if she think you're a stage 5 Momma's Boy.
If, after reading all this, you're still in denial about your case, try watching a few episodes of Everybody Loves Raymond or Momma's Boys, the movie Hush or Monster-In-Law.
If you think you might be bordering on a worst case scenario, check out the trailer for Mama's Boy below and make sure you aren't showing signs of turning into Jon Heder's character. You'll never get laid if that's the case!
Ladies, if you are wondering if your guy is a Momma's Boy, read through these signs, but be sure to look for multiple signs before making accusations. Remember too, that although it's important for you to bring your concerns to his attention, it's ultimately him who has to correct the situation. If you try to make him choose between her and you, be prepared that he'll very likely choose her.
If he simply denies being a momma's boy and refuses to change, move on to someone who's already weaned off the teet. Dating a guy who loves and respects his mother is definitely a desirable quality, but one who can't live without his mother, is one you can live without.
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