Skip to main content
  1. News
  2. Politics
  3. Government

Al-Qaeda inter-office memo

See also

TO: Islamic State of Iraq and Syria - ISIS

FROM: Al Qaeda home office

SUBJECT: Franchise termination

Gentlemen, it is with great regret that I inform you that your franchise agreement with us is terminated. You will no longer be be allowed to associate yourselves with the global Al Qaeda brand.

It has come to our attention that after multiple warnings to you about who is in charge in the Syrian conflict, as well as repeated requests for you to leave, you have clearly ignored not only our directive but, you flaunted the chain of command AND actually fought with your fellow jihadists.

This is unacceptable.

As you know, the global Al-Qaeda brand has been carefully developed and nurtured over a number of years and this infighting among franchises is deleterious to optimizing our brand identity globally.

Therefore, as of sunset on the 4th of Rabi' al-Thaany, 1435 A.H. (that's today) you are to cease any and all affiliation with the global Al-Qaeda brand.

Also, please return to the home office all flags, t-shirts, stationary, coffee mugs, calendars, baseball hats, ammunition, grenade launchers, Kalashnikovs, whips etc.

If you feel that this franchise termination order is without merit, you will be allowed to petition the home office/franchise committee for an arbitration hearing at which time you can state your case.

Yours truly,

Ayman al-Zawahri

Advertisement

News

  • Mt. Everest avalanche
    Disaster strikes Mt. Everest as at least 12 people were killed in an avalanche
    Video
    Watch Video
  • Most Earthlike planet discovered
    The Kepler telescope has discovered the most Earthlike, possibly habitable planet yet
    Space News
  • Easter crosses create debate
    Easter crosses spark a debate of separation of church and state in Ohio
    Headlines
  • Chelsea Clinton is preggers
    Former first daughter Chelsea Clinton is pregnant with her first child
    Headlines
  • Stanley Cup playoffs
    The battle for Lord Stanley's Cup is on, don't miss a minute of playoff action
    Sports
  • Ukraine discussed amongst U.S., E.U., Russia
    The U.S., E.U. and Russia agree on ways to diffuse the tension in Ukraine
    Video
    Watch Video

User login

Log in
Sign in with your email and password. Or reset your password.
Write for us
Interested in becoming an Examiner and sharing your experience and passion? We're always looking for quality writers. Find out more about Examiner.com and apply today!