This is in no way intended to say that women and men are not equal ….or that it’s wrong for a woman to ask a man out….when it comes down to the phone call after the 1st date, the man should call under most circumstances. There are a few instances in which the woman can call, but let’s take a look at why these are the only times.
Whether we agree with “how it all works” or not…truth be told, it is tradition that the man calls the woman. It does seem unfair that it is the woman who has to wait for that phone call. If she really had a great time on the 1st date and she wants to have a 2nd date, waiting is not fun! From the moment that you both say good night to the moment that the call comes in…she’ll be wondering, “Does he like me?”, “Did I say something stupid that turned him off”, “Am I attractive enough to him?” “Did he just say he was going to call but he’s not?” and so on…and on….and on.
This, of course, puts all the power into the man’s court…it is a woman who has to wonder all of these things…but this just a part of dating reality. Many women wish that it was the guy who had to wait by the phone and wonder if she liked him. But, since it is expected that the man call, we must look at this issue from that viewpoint. This is why a man should know if he should follow the “3 Day Rule”.
Whether we like it or not, if a woman calls the man first, most men will feel that she is “desperate” for another date. It also makes the woman appear as if he does not have any other dating options. Many men think that this means that the woman doesn’t have enough self confidence if she rushes to the phone to call…and a lack of self confidence or low self esteem is a big, big turn off to a guy. There are some men who will feel truly flattered if the woman calls him first, but they are the exception. It is true that most men do “love the chase”. If having the attention of a woman is extremely easy for a guy, he’s most likely going to lose interest…and lose it fast.
So, let him “chase you”, let him make the move to pursue you and ask for a 2nd date. If he’s not calling, he doesn’t think that enough of a “spark” was there. A man or a woman can be very attractive, very intelligent and very fun…but this doesn’t mean that you’re going to “click” with every person you date and that you’re meant for each other! If that were true, everyone would still be seeing the very first person that they had a date with!
So, the woman must not, should not, please don’t do it….she should not call him first. Let him take the reins…if he calls you then you know he’s interested in you. If you call him, he may be polite and you many have a great conversation…but you’ll never know if he liked you enough that he planned to call you. And the very worst thing that a woman can do is that if a week has gone by and the guy hasn’t called…to call him to say “Why didn’t you call me?” You’re better than that.
For all you ladies: If he isn’t calling…it means that he doesn’t want to call. If a week has gone by and there’s no phone call….this means that he does not want there to be a phone call. If the “magic” wasn’t there for him…it wasn’t meant to be.
Now, there are a few instances in which it is okay for the woman to call the man. Do keep in mind that these are rare….a woman shouldn’t talk herself into believing that he fits into one of these categories, thus giving her the excuse to call.
When should she call? If for some reason, perhaps due to your crazy schedule, he asked you to call him….and you’re very confident that he actually meant it. You can also call if you’re very certain that he’s super shy….or if you got the very strong impression that he was unsure if you liked him or not…but he did make it clear he liked you.
In these cases, give him a week to call (even though he should be calling much sooner than a week) and keep the conversation light. Tell him that you’re just calling to tell him that you had a great time with him and that you had a lot of fun. Ask how his day is going….he’ll ask how yours is going…and then say, “Well, I just wanted to let you know that I think you’re a lot of fun, feel free to call me if you want to go out again sometime”. And end it there. If he doesn’t jump in at that point and say “Yes, I do want to go out again, how about next Friday?”….politely end the conversation and move on…he’s not interested enough….move on quickly so that you can date the next guy….who just might be the one for you.
Be sure to also read What to Do if He Calls 3 Weeks Later
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