Adoption billboards: the pros and cons

Jeanne Sager of The Stir at CafeMom asks in a recent headline, "Adopting a Baby by Billboard: Clever or Crass?" An ABC affiliate station in Michigan has also covered the story of a couple in the Detroit area who is marketing themselves in big ways.

The Open Adoption Examiner asked for position statements from two people close to the issue of billboard advertising to expectant parents. Weighing in are Hal Kaufman of My Adoption Advisor and Claudia Corrigan D'Arcy of Life of a Birthmother.

Pro

As a group, those pursuing domestic infant adoption who network with friends and family and advertise their desire to adopt will adopt more quickly than those who do not. That’s primarily why they do it. The alternative is impossible since networking and advertising cannot lengthen the time it takes to adopt. Thousands of adoptions occur each year as a result of these methods.

Networking to adopt is similar to what many do when looking for a job. Now I am not equating adoption to looking for a job, but it is true that networking plays a key role in each. Job seekers don’t know ahead of time how they will connect with their future employer, but they network to increase their chances of making that right connection more quickly. It’s estimated that 80% of external hires happen as a result of personal networking. A large percentage of adoptions happen this way, as well.

What about adoption advertising? Recent news coverage about a family advertising their desire to adopt on a billboard led some to feel like this type of advertising is manipulative. If done to trick or coerce expectant parents into making an adoption plan, then I wholeheartedly agree, but this isn’t the purpose of these ads.

Advertising is not always about influencing or selling. The purpose of some ads is simply to inform. Most adoption ads created by pre-adoptive parents are created with the intent of informing only. A phrase such as “Loving Couple Looking to Adopt” is used to let those who are considering making an adoption plan know of the adoptive parents’ desire to adopt. Saying that an ad with this type of quote influences someone to make an adoption plan doesn’t give the expectant parents much credit. People are just not that easily deceived. 

If an advertising approach feels over the top to an expectant parent considering adoption (like a billboard may feel for some), then that expectant parent won’t make an adoption plan with the family that employed that approach. Since the expectant parents choose the adoptive parents, this puts the power of choice in the right hands.

Networking and advertising helps two parties who are looking for each other find each other. Expectant parents should have the information they need about all of their options and they should decide what is best for them and their child without pressure or influence. When this is the case, the adoptive parents’ networking and advertising actions serve a valuable purpose in the process for everyone.

Hal Kaufman is an adoptive parent with mutually respectful and trusting open relationships with his children’s birth families. He runs an adoption consulting company, My Adoption Advisor, that provides training and coaching to prospective adoptive families.

Con

I can't say I am surprised or shocked to see a billboard placed by a couple wanting to adopt someone else's child. This is what adoption "professionals" tell would-be adoptive parents to do. They tell them to be "proactive" and network. In fact, these activities can be seen as part of a "do it yourself adoption," where parents take on many of the tasks of an adoption agency trying to reduce fees paid. Not sure if a $2,000/month billboard makes for a discounted adoption rate. I guess it depends on many takers there might be and how long the ad has to run.

So is there really anything wrong with trying to find parenthood this way? I think so.

When I see this kind of an ad I get that sick feeling in the pit of my stomach, like churning acid. I think that is an instinctive reaction that hits me as a birthmother. We spend so much time going through life being "normal" and keeping our loss and emotions in check. A billboard like this, right in the middle of going about our day, is like a slap of birthmother mother loss right in the gut while picking up the dry-cleaning and running a prescription. But, this isn't about the mother who was in a crisis pregnancy and succumbed to adoption, or the mother to be wondering if the billboard is a sign from God; I think about how it affects the baby.

See, that baby obtained through a billboard won't always be a baby. He or she will grow up and become an adult, and you really can't be sure what they will think about their origins to your family. I don't care how cute or heartwarming or funny you make it out to be, I think the billboard is pretty creepy.

Now not everyone will think so, and I'm sorry, I know the adoption professionals won't tell you this; but can you know for sure that the kid that you got from the billboard will think it's peachy keen like you do? You won't know until it's way too late. I have too many adult adoptee friends that scoff and joke at their adoption paperwork where they see how much their folks "paid" and speak about what they "cost". But beneath the joking, there is pain that they were looked at as a product and used in transactions. There is hurt and unrest that others made decisions on their behalf.

No matter the amount of love and what the good intent, the fact that adoptees are still treated unjustly and denied their truths, both haunts and hurts them to this day.

I just think that the adoptee already has enough to deal with. I don't care how much you might really really want a baby; this has the possibility of making the adoptee feel like a piece of meat. And even the possibility of that should be enough to make you say no. You have a choice: just say no to billboards.

Claudia Corrigan D’Arcy began researching adoption issues in preparation of the successful search and reunion with her own son in 2007 whom was placed for adoption. Musings of the Lame has become a much needed roadmap for many mothers who relinquished, adoptees who long to be heard, and adoptive parents who seek understanding.

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Now that you've read both sides, what are your thoughts?