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Achieving sexual intimacy with your wife

Let your wife know just how much you care.
Let your wife know just how much you care.
Tina Phillips

Ladies, have your husbands read this.

People often refer to sex as “being intimate.” There seems to be a consensus that the mere act of intercourse creates and guarantees intimacy. Not true, at least not in the feminine mind. I can’t be sure of what goes on in that male head of yours, but I imagine the thought process to go something like this: You…me…naked…ummm…”intimate.” If only it were that easy for women.

Men need little more than visual stimulation to get their engine revving. We women have a few more steps. Sure, we love eye candy (it definitely helps), but it has to be in addition to, not in place of, an emotional attachment. We need to feel connected to you, know that you cherish us and genuinely want to be with us—not just our bodies. Don’t call us complicated. Understand that our multifaceted inner workings are the built-in protection that helps us find dedicated mates that will do more than just get us pregnant.

So what does this mean for you? It means that if you truly want to please your wife, you’ll need to tap into that X chromosome and think like a woman. Follow these tips to creat the type of intimacy your wife has been craving:

  • Patience

Your ability to get “ready” in 2.5 seconds is award worthy, but don’t assume  your wife can accomplish the same feat in such record time. Do not rush her. If she feels pressured, the mood is gone, and the experience is lackluster. Don't focus on the destination. Enjoy the journey.

  • Attention

This may sound obvious, but pay attention to her. Let her know that you are aware of and care about what she likes sexually. Don't just automatically go into your favorite moves. Do what she likes. If you don't know, find out.

  • Thoughtfulness

Want to turn your wife on? Do something thoughtful that helps her out. Ever heard a woman say “The sexiest thing a man can do for me is wash the dishes”? Sounds strange, but true. When a woman feels like you care, the doors to sexual intimacy fly open. For a local spin, take your wife to the spa at Argosy Casino in North Kansas City. She'll love to be pampered and appreciate your effort to set it up.

  • Engagement

Take the time to engage her in deep conversation. Not the usual “ yes, dear” dialogue that some men do just to get by, but a serious discussion that delves into her emotion and—are you ready for this?—yours too.

If you think there is a deeper problem, read more on female sexual dysfunction.

Sending beautiful energy your way,

~Nadirah Angail

Got a marriage question? Looking for some advice? That's what I'm here for. Feel free to email me at or leave a comment here. (Don't worry. It can be anonymous.)

All Kansas City Marriage Advice Examiner content ©2010 by Nadirah Angail Habeebullah; reposts permitted with copyright notice and link back to original article. All other rights reserved.


  • Sakina- Islamic Issues Examiner 5 years ago

    Aww, sis. This had me smiling.

  • Marcia Naomi Berger 5 years ago

    Great article!I like your fresh, direct writing style very much. Just saw your comment on my article "Too busy for marriage meetings...."as San Francisco Relationship Communication Examiner. Thank you!

    Naomi aka

  • Violet 5 years ago

    Hi Nadirah.

    I am a fellow Examiner, NY Marriage Examiner. Great, article and very interesting read. It gets to the heart of the matter and shows just how different we (men vs women) really view sex.

  • JLM 5 years ago

    Beautiful, and well said I am sending this to my husband I hope he will read it!!!

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