Teaming up some of Hollywood’s most notable actresses, Marilyn Monroe starred in two famous comedies in 1953. She partnered with Jane Russell in the breezy and fun “Gentlemen Prefer Blondes”, and also joined Lauren Bacall and Betty Grable while trying to discover “How to Marry a Millionaire.”
We looked at the former on Nov. 28 (link), so let’s examine the latter today!
(Note: In addition, in our week with Marilyn, here’s my review of “All About Eve” (1950))
“How to Marry a Millionaire” (1953) 2.5 / 5 stars - This all-star trio of beautiful movie stars - Lauren Bacall, Betty Grable and Marilyn Monroe - headline a concept which looks so promising, but, unfortunately, falters.
Still, “How to Marry a Millionaire” - despite its clumsy execution - deserves a look for anyone curious to see three Hollywood legends working their craft together on screen.
The film’s title?
Well, Schatze (Bacall) seems to know all the angles to make that dream come true for Loco (Grable), Pola (Monroe), as well as herself.
She rents a spacious and luxurious Manhattan apartment for the three to help win tickets to The Big Apple's high society circuit.
Although the ladies work as models, they don’t have much money and end up selling the furniture in their furnished apartment in order to pay the bills until they strike it rich (i.e.: marry millionaires).
Sometimes Loco and Pola think about wavering from their ultimate monetary goal, but Schatze is always quick to whip them back into gold digger shape.
“Think with your head and not your heart,” she barks.
After months of striking out, the women start to find - what they think are - suitable millionaires, but discover: all may not be what it seems.
Bacall, Grable and Monroe share amusing moments on screen together, especially when they first hatch their plan while lounging on their "lair's" picturesque rooftop and also during the wedding of one of the aforementioned beauties.
Director Jean Negulesco gives the women plenty of space to play to their strengths, and they respectfully give each other room for their own signature moments.
Grable’s Loco is the attractive girl next door who offers a big smile, but doesn’t concern herself with too many details.
Unfortunately, that lands her in a big misunderstanding or two.
Monroe’s Pola knows her seductive powers, but is hampered by her insecurities when wearing her glasses.
She’s as “blind as a bat”, but would rather struggle without her spectacles in order to remain attractive to the general millionaire population.
(Of course, Pola’s gorgeous with or without them, but doesn’t realize it).
Bacall, as mentioned earlier, plays the taskmaster and keeps the girls focused on the prize.
Although, our three leads are quite entertaining, the film, as a whole, let me down.
It began with a strange big band opening.
As the movie starts, we - from a safe distance - watch a huge orchestra play a loud and busy dance number for over six minutes on screen.
(Six minutes? Yes, I know it’s six minutes because I timed it.)
Then Negulesco subjects the audience to a corny tune about New York City with plenty of shots of the bustling metropolis for another two minutes.
The film’s runtime is only 95 minutes, and I swear someone at the studio must of said, “Make sure the film runs at least an hour and a half!”
That’s the only explanation I have for the random and completely odd opening, but the main crux of the story is for the women to catch millionaires and catch them quick.
The three find themselves in quirky predicaments, but the bits which should elicit lots of laughter, instead, fall flat.
Schatze repeatedly turns down Tom (Cameron Mitchell) because “gentlemen callers need to wear a necktie”, but little does she know that he’s loaded.
Ho-hum.
Loco takes a meandering trip to snowy Maine which only serves to connect her with a park ranger, and Pola finds a man who appreciates her with her glasses.
Outside of a really hilarious back-n-forth with Pola's gentlemen suitor on a plane to Kansas City, the women’s individual adventures drag.
At times, the movie feels like a painful three hours. I blame the editor too, as we spend plenty of time on Loco's trip, but then wonder about Schatze.
Suddenly, Negulesco puts us through a silly montage of her on-again/off-again attraction to Tom.
The entire film's pacing feels off and distant, and simply isn't as fun as it should be.
Bacall, Grable and Monroe absolutely have their moments, but are hampered by a film not worth their gifts.
Should you pass on a movie with Monroe, Grable and Bacall?
Well, think with your heart instead of your head, and rent it anyway.
Just rent "Gentlemen Prefer Blondes" first!
"How to Marry a Millionaire" is not rated and is available on DVD.
