My Denver clients Suzie and Joe have known each other for 7 years as friends and in a romantic relationship for 4 years. During this time they have grown very close but have struggled with intimacy on many levels. After 3 years of living together they began to contemplate marriage…mostly unsuccessfully. Each see the great potential of their relationship yet, both had reservations at different times and for different reasons.
Suzie, who has been engaged before to an unfaithful man was somewhat hesitant to give her heart again. On one hand Joe offered complete trust and faithfulness, friendship and compatibility unlike any she had known before. But after being single so long and feeling that thrill of danger from the occasional bad boy rush, was wondering if something was missing…
Joe adores Suzie on multiple levels: he loves her big personality, generous heart and other body parts, as well as her friendship and love. But sometimes he felt insecure and tried too hard since he feared that she wasn’t ready to give up the single life. He had been previously married for 17 years to the “wrong” woman and was NOT going there again. His past hot romances and his own feelings of that bad girl rush were also leaving him feeling that there might be something missing. The pressure of past unhealthy lifestyles and failed relationships was messing up their plan to have a long-term, healthy relationship together.
Through therapy, they have both grown and worked through their issues. Suzie has realized that she does not need or want that unhealthy tension/ adrenaline rush. It just makes her heart hurt and makes her more stressed. The rush she felt when she was single and trying to win someone over was just love addiction (which comes from feeling rejected). She now knows that love in a long-term relationship is built on mutual comfort, happiness and trust – something she has always wanted. She now enjoys committed, selfless love from a man she can trust, and that is way more exciting.
Joe realized that his trying so hard was a turn-off to her, which pushed her away, so he has backed off and given her the space that she needed. They’ve both grown and now appreciate their realness and honesty, as well as newfound mutual respect.
Suzie and Joe recently decided they were ready to make their relationship permanent. They flew down here to Tucson (where I am for the winter) to go to the gem show to purchase an engagement ring. They found a beautiful ring and we all went out for drinks to celebrate their engagement! Happy Valentine’s Day Suzie and Joe!
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