"Tis the season to be jolly"....or not!? With all the hustle and bustle of the holidays stress, at times, gets the best of most of us and spending a night out with a spouse or having quality family time seems out of the question. Presents to buy and wrap, parties galore, cooking, and cleaning are at the least, quite a 'chore'. Yet, it is in these seemingly stressful times that some of the best memories and family traditions are born.
What is a tradition?
A tradition is "the handing down of statements, beliefs, legends, customs, information, etc., from generation to generation, especially by word of mouth or by practice."
What are family traditions?
Making cinnamon rolls and taking them to friends and neighbors, caroling, reading stories, trimming a tree from a local farm, and hanging lights may seem like 'chores' but take a closer look. Are they often repeated events, do they have deeper meaning or underscore beliefs or customs, have you done them for as long as you can remember? If you answered yes to any of these questions the stressful 'chores' that cumber your life at the holidays are actually traditions!
Why are family traditions important?
Traditions are not just means to an end but the means of creating and defining marriages and families. Their importance lies in the expressions on the faces of those around you. Faces bright with a light that does not come from lights on a tree are indicitave of far more important feelings: happieness, joy, belonging, security. It is in these traditions that marriages and families become strong and resilient. These are the moments when deposits are made to your emotional 'bank account' that will carry you through the next year with all its tasks and trials, securities and uncertainties, accomplishments and disappointments. Making regular deposits to your 'bank account' through developing and maintaining traditions will allow you to make 'withdraws' when times are challenging. So, take a moment to cozy up with a warm beverage and talk with your spouse or family about the following questions:
- "What are some traditions that make our marriage or family strong?"
- "Why are some of the most important things we do daily to show our love for each other?"
- "What holiday traditions do we have, why are they significant, and how do they strengthen our marriage and family?"
- "What traditions do we want to add or change?"
Answers to these questions will lead to endless conversations about the dynamics of your marriage and family life. Dreams will emerge, feelings will come to the surface, and you and your loved ones will find new ways to strengthen your relationship(s) and overcome adversity.
Comments
Amazing! It a good reminder that all those "chores" are more meaningful than we remember
It is true the most meaningful of traditions were not intentionally planned. Although much older now, one tradition my immediate family engages in each year is providing for a family less fortunate. This provision is not with respect to Christmas needs, but rather, the deeper fundamental needs that last beyond the holiday cheer.
This simple tradition began the winter of 1975, when a family of seven, who had all lived in a camper on the back of a pick up truck, purchased the house next to ours. They had scrimped and saved for months so they could get the house. They closed and moved in two days before Christmas. We decided to open our gifts and each select one we wanted to keep. We then wrapped everything else up and took it next door to our new neighbors. They didn't have a tree, so we even took them our own.
All they had was a piano they had somehow managed to keep with them. We set up and then both families, ours and theirs, stood around the piano and sang Christmas carols. I remember as a young adolescent how full my heart was that year.
Since then, we have made it a tradition in our family to challenge ourselves to find someone truly in need of assistance and provide them with the "leg up" they need, and do so anonymously. This all started with a simple act of kindness not intended at the time to be perennial.
Thanks to Catherine for her article and helping me dredge from the depths of my memory, one so fond, and the root of one of our holiday family traditions.
Doug,
Thanks for the personal story. It is so cool to hear the rest of the story that you alluded to before. I hope you have a great week with family and friends. Would you mind if I use part of your story in my next article? I'd like to write about service.
Best,
Katherine
Katherine,
Thanks for highlighting the importance of traditions to help create and maintain strong marriages. Shared traditions create shared meaning and shared meaning, as you know, is critical to marital success and well-being.
Katherine, what a great perspective on traditions as it fits into families and marriages. I never thought of repetitive "chores" as actually being identified as traditions. Interesting.
One thought that provoked me to respond was the perspective this idea has on a young couple, hopefully ready to grow the relationship to the next level. The word "marriage" is even thought in our near future. :D As someone young in the journey with his significant other, I especially enjoy this time of year, because it gives my girlfriend and I a chance to really learn each other's traditions. Her family and mine vary in traditions and how to spend the holidays. Something as simple as what date/time they actually celebrate Christmas, with the full dinner feast and family entourage, becomes a dance between two means of celebration. It's part of the relationship experience in life, learning and understanding our upbringings and the impact our families have had on our beliefs, habits and traditions.
From this point, we will hope to form our own traditions together. It will be a great life moment to see how our merged traditions will fit in with our families, while possibly creating new ones for our future generations.
Happy Holidays to everyone and may you fill the season with lovely memories and golden "traditions" to treasure.
Katherine, thanks for the excellent article and changing the world for the better, one article at a time.
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