A Thin Line Between Love And Hate

I recently sat down to watch the movie A Thin Line Between Love and Hate again. I hadn’t fully watched the movie since it came out in 1996 and I was only 17 at the time attending Maple Hts High School. The only thing I could remember about the movie was that the lead female character Brandi, play by Lynn Whitfield, was crazy and needed her butt kicked. However, watching the movie again at 32, almost 33, I now have a very different opinion about Brandi. I no longer see her as a crazy woman who deserved what she got. No, no, no. I see Brandi as 90% of the women I know in my life, myself included. Darnell, played by Martin Lawrence, lead this woman to believe that he loved her and truly cared for her to only get her into bed. He went to all kinds of measures to ensure he had her trust when at the end of the day his heart belonged to another woman. This man spent money, stepped out of his comfort zone, put in the time, and said “I love you” to get her to let down her guard and sleep with her. Darnell was clearly not a “MAN” as those types of games should never be played especially when it comes to someone else feelings. Now her response to his antics were extreme and could be deemed crazy….but, I understand.

Brandi is a successful black woman, doing her own thing, living life and taking care of self, and I’m assuming going to church. She was not looking for Darnell and even shot him down several times before agreeing to go out with him. Even after several dates and prior to sleeping with him, she told him she was vulnerable and had been hurt before. She let him know she couldn’t take another heartbreak, but he still pursued and persuaded her into bed under the false pretenses of not hurting her, that he truly cared about her, and would be there. OMG!! Ladies how many times have we been there? How many times have we been focused on ourselves only to have this seemingly wonderful man step into our lives and turn it upside down with games, lies, and deception? We want to be loved so bad and he is doing and saying all the right things to make us believe he is heaven sent. We are asking God, “Is he the one Lord?” “Did you send him to me?” and we are falling all over ourselves with this new love we have found. Then against our better judgment or lack of judgment we sleep with him. BOOM BAM POW!!! The real him shows up or better yet ships out. He doesn’t call anymore, doesn’t spend time, spinning us, don’t return calls or text messages and we are sitting there with our heart in our hand wondering where we went wrong AGAIN.

It takes everything in us not to go over and set his clothes on fire with him still in them. Why does he get to take a part of me, throw it away and keep on moving to the next chick without any repercussions? Well Brandi was not about to let that happen. She threw a brick through his window, stole his tires, had him arrested, and tried to kill him. I am in no way saying she was right or that I condone that type of behavior….but, I understand. There comes a point and time when a woman is just fed up and tired of all the bull. Will the real men please stand up?! I know you are out there. Playing with a woman’s heart to get her into bed is so tacky and immature. It takes a man to love a woman. Boys try to get them in bed and walk away. How long are you going to play that game? Fellas please believe me, actually you already know, there are plenty of women that will sleep with you for buying them a drink. If you just want the punanny find one of them, but as for me and my girls we looking for something real and we will tell you up front so don’t waste our time.

To be fair it was not all totally Darnell’s fault. 98% of it was his fault and he was all the way dead wrong, but ladies we have to own our share of the blame too. There is not any need to rush into bed with any man. Especially for those of us who have been hurt too many times to count. His true colors will come shining through at any moment if you give him time and let him reveal himself. At some point he is going to start pressuring you to give him some or you will discover him seeing other woman and that is your queue to leave if you want a serious monogamous relationship. I will never forget what my 16 year old boyfriend, Cory Buggs, told me when I was 15. “If a man truly loves you he will wait for you.” Not that he waited for me, lol, but to be honest he was right and still is. Ladies we have to own our decisions. Not saying that this will always be the case, but if you want more from him then you got to demand more. Make him chase it. Stop setting it out for him to get without any work. Aren’t you worth that ring that you have been waiting for all your life? I am by no means excluding myself from this conversation. Watching this movie again shed a whole lot of light on my own experiences and the things that I have let go down, slide by, and tolerated. I’m learning my lessons and making better decisions going forward. I’m trusting God to guide me into making better choices and using discernment. We get so caught up in the dream we don’t look at the reality. Wake up ladies, take those rose colored glasses off and see that fool for what he really is before it is too late. I have no bail money.