When I was twenty-four days sober, a co-worker put a gun to his head and killed himself. I had worked with him for seven years and liked him. Several days later, a group of us from work rode together in a van to go to his funeral.
During these new days of sobriety, I had gone to meetings every day, found a sponsor and was working with her, began doing service work and prayed...a lot. But when I got in the van to return to the plant following the funeral, the obsession to drink was overwhelming. My thoughts were: I want to drink, I want to drink, when I get out of this van I am going to the liquor store and going home and get wasted. This recovery stuff might be all well and good but this pain is too much. I want to drink. I want to drink.
A drive that normally would have taken about 20 minutes, took over an hour. It was snowing and the roads were slippery. When I finally did get out of the van, I tore off walking to get my booze. I was walking for a good ten minutes when I brusquely occurred to me that I was not walking in the direction of the liquor store. I was walking toward my home. I stopped walking, felt bewildered and snow kept slapping my face. And at that moment, I had no desire to drink. None. The obsession had been taken away.
I continued to walk home, crying. Some of these tears were sadness at my co-worker's death. Some of the tears were gratitude. And others were so deeply spiritual that they cannot be explained in human language. And I realized that working a recovery program works. To this day, (and I live a program to the best of ability) four + years later, the obsession has not returned. I get occasional passing thoughts, which is normal, but they quickly go away.
This was one of many, many beautiful spiritual experiences in my recovery. And especially for those of you who are new to recovery...don't give up. Stay very close to your Higher Power, live a simple program and the magic will happen!
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