Let’s gather around the Yule fire in the Spirit of the holidays and sing a song that reflects what has become the focus of the season.
Let’s do this right. First, we have to obtain a fireplace which we can purchase at ‘Fireplaces ‘R’ Us’. We’ll make the trip to Lowes or Home Depot for Colorful ‘yule logs’ to burn.
We’ll visit a big box retailer and stock up on some festive holiday themed glassware. While we’re there we might as well pick up some trays for the hors D oeuvres. Off to the market for the fixin’s and assorted soda, egg nog and other mixers. OK, some small pickles, a 40% cashew mix (After all, it is the holidays. You can’t just give them peanuts) and various cheeses.
Try not to buy the colorful 2 foot wooden nutcracker, prominent in the giant sized nut display. It will mark you as a compulsive shop-a-holic.
The dopamine rush that buying a new nutcracker brings, is balanced by the ‘let down’ you feel as soon as the box is opened. Anticipation of a reward releases spurts of dopamine in the ‘I’ve got to have that’ portion of the brain which is driving sales this season.
We’ll then need to fill those glasses with a potent brew which we can purchase at any number of fine liquor stores and reminisce about the ‘good old days’ when Christmas displays in the stores were set up in early December.
To the tune of ‘Jingle Bells’ it’s called ‘Jingle Bills’ and it’s in the key of ‘C’ note.
Dashing through the mall Credit card in hand let’s find all the sales
and spend at least a ‘Grand’
Waiting at the door loaded with caffeine waiting here since 2AM
to grab that big flat screen
Jingles sell jingles sell advertising works I’m buying gifts for relatives
some of whom are jerks
Jingles sell jingles sell just you wait and see when bills come due they’ll find you as deep in debt as me
Thanksgiving Day got here postponed the family meal I let the turkey sit there
cause I’ll kill to get that deal
Entering the mall credit card to pay hope I bought it all
and will this headache go away?
Jingles sell and I’ve been sold I’ll spend what I have not my wallets flat my saving’s gone my credit line is shot
Jingles sell jingles sell my shopping cart is full I watched all of the TV ads
But didn’t catch the bull
It started long ago before Halloween catalogues and flyers
in an endless stream
Who did I forget? I’ll check the gifts I got Lord please help me find my car
in this huge parking lot
Jingle bills jingle bills I know they’ll come some-day by then I hope my shopping headache will have gone away! © N. Fleischman 2013
New Year’s resolutions are about quitting something. I’ve decided to quit shopping!