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A single epiphany

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We can not control attraction. It is inborn in our DNA. What we can do, however, is control our response to it. If you have met me in the past couple of years I would appear to be an eternally single gal. The past three years have been the longest time in my adult life that I have not been one half of a couple. In yester years my average length of time between relationships was six months. I'm talking long relationships. From the time I was 21 and for the next 13-14 years I was in four seperate relationships. Looking back there is most certainly a pattern in my choice of men. If you were 6'4, carried a basketball in your trunk at all times, and could make me laugh I was immediately smitten. I was the epitomy of a ride or die chick. If I met a guy with a flailing basketball career I immediately went into build-a-man mode. I could fix up your resume, your credit and get you a career path in a matter of six months.

Finding myself single, yet again, I began to re-examine my dating choices. I was the spokesperson for the definition of insanity. The first year and a half I had no interest in stepping into a relationship and advertised as such. No, I was not wearing a bumper sticker, but I was in fact very vocal about this point. This must be a very attractice quality for a woman. It would seem like every single man in a 60 mile radius was in one of my social media inboxes. Each one was immediately diverted to my friend zone box. At some point in the last year I began to miss the companionship a relationship provides. I tired of the "getting to know you" dance. My homeboy, Gary, began to steer me away from suggesting The Keg for first dates. In his words, "This is where your dates go to die." Point taken. Things never progressed further than the first date. Oddly enough, when I began to scan the mental rolodex of all the great guys I had met the last couple of years, there were fewer than a handful that I had enough interest in to pursue anything further. I have had several "Aha" moments in this dating saga which I will share with you all.

1. I love sweet texts. They need not be declarations of love or Shakespearean poetry. Just something to let me know I'm on your mind goes a long way.

2. You have to be able to carry on a conversation about something other than sports. I don't need you to want to talk on the phone all day every day but actual voice dialect is necessary. Man can not live by text alone.

3. You must get along with my friends. They are my family. This is a deal breaker. If you are open to theme dressing for special occasions that is a bonus. We love to celebrate anything and everything. Have an open mind. No one is too cool to wear a Elmo tee to a kids bday party.

4. A first date is a no brainer. It does not have to be a five star restaurant. A picnic in the park or anything where we can have a conversation and get to know one another is a must.

5. Laughter is the key to my happiness.

Those are deal breakers for me. Physical appearance, music tastes, income etc are all on a case by case basis. I could care less what kind of car you drive. Just have one. A running one is preferable. If you have kids, great. Please leave the baby mama drama behind. If you don't have kids and see them in your future, we are not meant to be. My baby oven is closed for business. This is non-negotiable. I have two beautiful, charasmatic teenage girls who are spending their teen years driving me to drink, more. I only have enough love in my heart for additional children on a part-time basis.

What I have learned is that what you need is not necessarily what you want. Take a chance on someone who is not your "type." Better yet don't have a type. Burn your list. You know what is important to you. Don't settle for less than what you deserve.

If we listened to our intellect, we’d never have a love affair. We’d never have a friendship. We’d never go into business because we’d be too cynical. Well, that’s nonsense. You’ve got to jump off cliffs all the time and build your wings on the way down. ~Annie Dillard

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