Abble, ken I halp you?
Uh, yes, I am trying to get an app for my iPhone and Apple won’t recognize my user name or password. This has happened to me several times before.
I ken halp you. Vhat iss your passvort?
Uh, that’s why I am calling you. Apple doesn’t recognize my password.
Vaht ver you trying to do?
Like I said, I was trying to get an app.
(A lot of things happen here, which are confusing and tragic for this writer and would put the reader to sleep faster than an episode of Here Comes Honey Boo Boo)
OK, now you must chuse a new passvort.
Uh, that’s a problem. I have picked so many passwords already,that whatever I pick now is something I have already used.
Here iss a suggestion. Pick a name uf somevun you know. You vill remember dat and you vill know it starts vit a capital letter. You must use a capital letter.
Yes, I sort of figured that out myself, actually. I have used the names of all of my children and all of my husbands and all of my pets. I think I have also used the names of most members of Congres. At this point, I would either have to give birth again or get divorced and remarry or get a new cat or dog or move to a different country. I think that’s a bit excessive, don’t you?
Mebbe so. So, I vill now giff you time to chuse a new passvort.
(Time goes by, in which this writer reviews her entire life, but gets sidetracked thinking about how Danny Irons dumped her for the senior prom)
Dit you chuse a new passvort?
Yes, luckily I haven’t yet used the name of the shetl in Belarus in which my grandfather’s third wife was born.
Belarus? Dat is vere I am!
Yes, I suspected that.
Vat iss your granfadder’s turd wife’s town?
Leszcsynkowszczyzna. It’s across the Svislachowiecz River from Leszcsynkowszczyzno.
Nebber herd uf it. But now you must chuse annoder passvert because now I know vat you were going to use.
I can’t vin, ken I?
Not dat I know uf. Vy are you talking funny now?