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A Message To All Celebrity Exes, Boo's, and Women

Are We Letting Failed Relationships Define Us?

There used to be a time in all of our lives when at the end of a relationship both parties would mourn the loss of a romantic friendship (some for shorter periods than others- face it ladies men, generally, move on quicker), then make a conscious decision to move forward and not let the failures of that relationship define us as the true, loving people we are.

Now, thanks to the seemingly endless wave of reality TV “drama-dies” (I call them this because most of the casts dramatic behaviors are a joke), exes are being brought to the forefront in droves- and they’re mostly all-women casts. Ever wonder why there’s no programming of male exes to celebrity women? I’ll get to that in a moment. But these shows consist of women who have been hurt and have decided to move on, yet also allow themselves to be identified by their past failures.

Don’t get me wrong. I understand that if you are a woman who has dated a celebrity and has had a tumultuous relationship that seriously affected you, your children and the overall ability of that celebrity (such as death, physical or substance abuse) then sure, you have a story to tell. Without a doubt it is likely that there are publishing deals and movie rights with your name on them because you have been through something that puts you in a position to help others. Think along the lines of Tina Turner.

However, if you were with a celebrity, no matter if you were engaged or married, and that relationship ends on terms that you wouldn’t necessarily find favorable (usually infidelity) I can only see one reason for doing a show where you are publicly engaging in what women everyday and everywhere do. That reason is clearly for publicity that leads to capital gain. Looking for love, even if you have once dated a celebrity, does not make for interesting. We all know how it goes. You pick an average person to date, he/she will never live up to the celebrity you used to date, and since you have opened yourself up to public scrutiny it makes it tens times harder for you to move on successfully. As well, the show will inevitably expose your poor interactions with other women.

So what once started out as you trying to move on from being identified by one failed relationship, actually showcases your subsequent failed attempts at love and the drama-filled “friendships” you have with the other women that are usually unhealthy and volatile. Should we blame editing?

There is a reason there are no all-men casts for this type of programming. In fact, there are several reasons. For one, men are not eager to show the world their failures. In business, friendships, or in love. It lends them to judgment and having to spend time defending their actions and character, when that is time they could be using to take action towards defining themselves. As well, a lot of guys do not wear their feelings on their sleeves. It is rare that you will see a man, on television, crying about a relationship that has gone wrong and how hurt he is by it because he has been there, for that person, since the beginning.

This is not to say your feelings should not be acknowledged, or are not valid. But everything is not for everyone to see. Discuss these issues with real friends, in nurturing environments where you aren’t being dissected by the world.

True enough I do not watch these shows in their entirety. It usually only takes me tuning in to the premiere show, to get a gist of what the entire season will be like. There is usually a few “finding love” dates, drinks with their girls, fights at tables when having drinks with their girls, solo confessionals, activities and trips where they get into a few shenanigans that ultimately lead to more arguments, fights and tears.

Oh God, the tears!

The latest addition to the drama-tears-drama triangle we’ve come to accept as programming is Atlanta Exes, which premiered last night on VH1. The show follows the ex-wives and fiancee’ of recording artists Ne-Yo (Monyetta Shaw), Usher (Tameka Raymond), Cee-Lo Green (Christine Johnson), former football pro Ray Buchanan (Sheree Thompson) and comedian Kevin Hart (Torrei Hart).

Funny coincidence: Hart, proposed to his girlfriend of five years, Eniko Parrish on the same night as the premiere of Atlanta Exes. Leaving many fans to believe he was stepping on Torrei’s moment of “shine.” Although, there has been no evidence of truth to these claims.

I didn’t catch the premiere of this show yesterday. I did, however, watch it today via a blog and sadly found nothing different in its set-up or delivery from shows like Hollywood Exes, Basketball Wives (in every respective city), Baseball Wives, Love and Hip-Hop (in every respective city), and the numerous housewife shows of women struggling with their friendships and (gasp!) marriages.

The point is there is nothing new or spectacular about having to move on from a relationship that no longer aids in your ability to grow. And that is exactly what each party should do. Sometimes it is hard to discard your favorite pair of holey underwear, but deep down you know they need to go. Deep down, I know many of these women know there will be no reconciling their past failed relationships. Many of these men have moved on (excluding those of the housewives), and realize that 'sure, this person was there for me during this time in my life, and I have made some mistakes –we both have- but I’ve grown since then and I choose to share my life with someone that can nurture my new growth.’

We rarely ever see men move on, or look for love in front of the camera. I think it’s about time we stop seeing it from women. Moving on from something you failed at does not need to be broadcasted. In the words of Nike: Just Do It.

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