Halloween is coming up.
Nothing personal; it just is. Every year this happens and every year the media tubes are clogged with spooky delights and the runways are overrun with a charming assortment of odds and ends in the department of festivities – namely, the answer to the age-old question: “What are you gonna be?” Or, if you are above the age of fourteen, “What are you wearing to Molly’s totally wicked costume party?.. Hey, YOLO.” Every year this question pops into your feed, and every year you try to top however you answered it last year.
Obtrusively, this is a big deal. It will likely be immortalized in the minds of your peers and colleagues and probably some embarrassing pictures. The message, though, is not to choose your costume carefully. It’s not even to take a pillow case instead of those plastic jack-o’-lantern buckets because your net profit in fun size Snickers and baby Twizzlers and the occasional disappointing popcorn ball will gain massive potential (though too, regrettably, will your risk for diabetes). The answer, friend, is in the question.
What are you gonna be? It doesn’t matter. What you choose isn’t important; what matters is that you are going to be spending it trying to “wow” others with your choice and impress your crush and treat your friends to whatever tricks may be up your sleeve, should your costume include a sleeve. Truth be told, true friends don’t discriminate over Halloween costumes, unless they are outright offensive in which case you should rethink your choice immediately.
Be a friend – that’s an unequivocal answer. Focus more on who you will share this heteromorphic holiday with and how you will make the experience memorable than what to wear or who to scare. Actually, think gingerly about who to scare. Soiled pants is a trifling way to lose a friend.