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A few Must-Knows about the Middle Eastern Girl Next Door.

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She is overbearing, frustrating, and so very sexy in the craziest sense. Oh yes, and she’s crazy. She’s definitely Middle Eastern. Here are a few must-knows about the Middle Eastern Girl Next Door.

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Fashionably Late

Fashion or not, this is a redundant story that I myself have lived out for far too long. Is this attribute ever going to change? Will she ever be on time? Nope. It is a hopeless case and you should not hold your breath any longer. Just lie. Tell her the event that really starts at 7 is at 5. She’ll be there at 7:30 and hopefully that’s good enough.

The Woman in Black

You walk into a wedding and there they all are… in black. So then you wonder if this is a funeral and if you have walked in by mistake. Oh but there’s the bride—surprisingly in white (giggles). Black is not just seen at weddings, but everywhere and in every event. So much so that if someone is in anything but black, all eyes look on with a sort of disapproval. But if you’re anything like me, you put on anything but gloom and march past the doubtful glares that turn into beautiful smiles. Phooh, you’re safe.

Made Up

The art of fashion and looking oh so sexy all the time is thanks to the abundance of make-up at the Macy’s and Dillard’s counters. And the Middle Eastern woman is certainly not exempt. She has to try everything, and sometimes she even looks like she is putting all of it on at the same time. So then it’s surprising that regardless of the pound cake on her face, how gorgeous she looks. Her gracious- well, goddy- demeanor draws you in and you’re hooked.

Know-it-All

Before you open your mouth to speak, she knows. She understands everything and has knowledge about almost anything, and if not, she has the right people for you to get in touch with. It’s exactly like my mother. She is not only a mom, a widow and a chef, but also a counselor, a doctor, an engineer, a designer, a computer whiz, an advisor, a business woman and whatever else you need. Is my mom all of the above? No. She is even better.

Best Friends

You meet her at a house party and after a nice little tete-a-tete, you exchange information, she calls you, and you’re friends. It’s very simple. She will dump you if you ever cross her. It’s like the game of chest: You make a move, your opponent makes a mis-move. They lose, you win. Game over. I, on the other hand, know everyone, but have very few friends that I cherish (chuckles). But seriously, we’ve all been there.

Gossip Girl

Even in the name of prayer, you get to find out the deepest and darkest secrets about so and so. But a Middle Eastern doesn’t hide this behind some religious notion of a do-gooder behavior. She tells you very honestly: “So, you know what (blank) did today? You will not believe….” Gossip is to a Middle Eastern like food is to a living entity. Without it, she will surely die. To be honest, it is a sweet and sinful pleasure we all indulge in and secretly crave.

Muslim

Even if she doesn’t practice any religion, and only tries to be a good person, when confronted with a religious question, she is suddenly Muslim, or Jewish, or Bahai, or Christian, or Zoroastrian, or…. Her religion, even if unpracticed, is sacred and untouchable. There is no use trying to convince her otherwise. It’s one of her attributes- so she thinks. I would just let it go or you are completely screwed.

Critical

You walk in and have your hair up. Well, you should’ve had it down for this occasion. And while you were at it, for goodness’ sake you could have put on a little bit more makeup and chosen a better outfit to fit your body type. The chatter doesn’t stop when you walk past the crowd of critics and even converse with some of them. It is absolutely hilarious and I love doing it too. It’s just pure fun making fun of everything and everyone.

Liar

She can lie about a lot of things even if totally obvious. Secrets are intermixed with her personality. She’s full of them. However, if she can trust you, the woman will tell you anything. At this point then, it’s really up to you to dig deep. If you share, she will share. For me, the words come out faster than I could ever lie. And if I think about a lie, as soon as I start to speak, the words get fumbled and then I will come right back around to the truth. It’s very annoying but someone’s gotta do it.

Downright Smart

It’s a stereotype. So what? We like it and that’s why we have so much confidence even if we’re really not that bright. But no really. We go to school, are educated, work hard… wait, no, let’s back it up. We go to school, are educated, and then we’re really educated. Mmhmm. That’s all. We’ll stop.

Now, even though these are some funny qualities that we Middle Eastern women possess, we wear every single label proudly knowing that we came first. Historically, we date back to God knows when and we are proud to the core. Not everyone can possess these qualities in one package- a woman. We do and we’ll never change… even if we’re wrong. We’re always right and we always win every argument—even if it’s just in our heads (amused).

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