Nearly two months ago we were informed that a 12-step meeting I have attended regularly for over 5 years, was going to have to move location and that they would no longer have space for us to meet. Gratefully, we were able to secure a new location in less than two weeks. Since that time, I have attended several meetings in the new location and noticed some things.
I noticed that as I was getting ready to go, I felt resistance. I was dragging my feet and not really wanting to go. This was new for me. At first I figured that as an addict, I tend to struggle with change and that I would soon settle back in to my healthier self. Turns out that wasn't it. Then I thought it was just because I didn't like the new place. But upon meditation, I learned that that wasn't it either. Buddhism has taught me to not attach "like" or "dislike" to aspects of my life and to simply accept things as they are. Although this isn't perfect, it does work for me most of the time. The resistance became stronger. Yesterday I had to force myself to go.
As I was feeling this forcing myself, I decided to meditate again. And a beautiful and powerful new lesson in letting go, came to me. Throughout my years of life, like most of us, I have had to let go of many aspects of my life. Some of them were serious and painful; like my daughter and husband. Some were less serious; like a job or apartment. But in all cases, they were human/ego/emotional in nature and in many cases, they were unhealthy for me.
Letting go of the old meeting place is the first time I have had to let go of something in my life that was predominantly spiritual in nature and healthy for me. Not having any experience with this, my old friend fear came to visit and prevented me from letting go. I discovered I had been living under the belief that I would not have to let go of things that were healthy for me. Wrong again! The meeting place had already let go of me and I was holding on to nothing. It is important to let go because holding on results in resistance and a consequent inability to move forward and live a spiritual life. And this is important because we only get so much time on this planet and I have learned to choose to spend it feeling serene.
So having learned this lesson, I am back on the path without resistance... letting go with dignity and grace. And feeling blessed!