Hullo my darling little paranoids! Lock up the children, dig out your Bibles and pass the ammunition, cause it's time to start panicking...
I do hope you've all made peace with your respective Gods. Atheists - pick a God, already, and get praying. Because tonight an asteroid the size of an aircraft carrier will come within relative inches of slamming right into our quiet little planet.
Don't believe me? I've been known to cry asteroid before. But this be the real deal, folks. At approximately 6:28 p.m. ET, the death-rock from space - bearing the charming moniker Asteroid 2005 YU55 - will pass within 202,000 miles of our little corner of the galaxy. That's eight tenths of the distance to the moon - a hair's breadth, Universally speaking. Amateur astronomers will be able to observe its approach with optical telescopes. Spying asteroids with such basic equipment is a bit of a rarity... so this news is sure induce apopleptic fits for space-heads and charismatic leaders of doomsday cults alike.
NASA has classified this pesky space gypsy as a 'potentially hazardous object' - although it apparently poses no real threat of collision. But just in case it does, the citizens of Earth can expect a deafening 4,000 megaton blast, a magnitude 7.0 earthquake and - if Nibiru's little cousin decides to ditch into the ocean - a 70-foot high tsunami.
So... tonight seems as good a time as any to take care of some loose ends. Settle your differences with your enemies. Profess your undying love to your secret crush. Tell your boss to suck a tailpipe. I don't know, maybe get baptized or whatever... could turn out to be worth it, in the long run. But whatever you do, though - don't look up...
There are now only 408 days left until the End of the World - if we're all still here tomorrow, that is...
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