What children know is not nearly as important as who they are. In the words of Ralph Waldo Emerson, "What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us". Parents are charged with the task of disciplining children to develop their character and to impact the kinds of persons they become. Homeschoolers are in the perfect position to be intentional about discipline, by virtue of children being under parental influence for the majority of their day, and Christian homeschoolers understand a God-given obligation to bring children up to become disciples of Christ. The next series of articles will explore biblical principles of child discipline, and how parents can apply those principles to help children become persons of integrity and responsibility.
Discipline - Greek "Paideia"
Before exploring the principles of discipline, it is important to understand what discipline means, from a biblical perspective. The Hebrew and Greek of the Bible use a variety of terms for the word translated into English as "discipline". One Greek word for "discipline" used in the Bible is "paideia". The term has a variety of connotations that focus on training the whole person, including cultivating the mind, heart and morals of the person. It involves instruction with the aim of increasing virtue and integrity. For example, "paideia" is used in Ephesians 6:4: "Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord". The implications of this verse are that discipline is integrated with instruction and personhood - more "who you are" than "what you do".
The same Greek word is used in Hebrews 12:5: " My son, do not regard lightly the discipline of the Lord..." and in Hebrews 12:7: "It is for discipline that you endure; God deals with you as with sons; for what son is there whom his father does not discipline?" Discipline here is a loving act done by a father to the children he loves. Hebrews 12:11 also uses "paideia": "All discipline for the moment seems not to be joyful, but sorrowful; yet to those who have been trained by it, afterwards it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness". Again, the concept of training shines through; training that leads to the person being fruitful and having integrity. This Greek term is even utilized (translated as "training") to describe the purpose of scripture: "All Scripture is inspired by God and profitable for teaching, for reproof, for correction, for training in righteousness" (2 Timothy 3:16). Without a doubt, biblical discipline is rooted in conscientious teaching and training. In Hebrews 12:9 the term "paideutes" (which comes from the same root word as "paideia") is used: "Furthermore, we had earthly fathers to discipline us, and we respected them; shall we not much rather be subject to the Father of spirits, and live?". Discipline is a loving act, worthy of respect, for the purpose of giving us life.
These verses display discipline as a positive process of cultivating personhood through training in the ways of God. Clearly discipline, as termed by "paideia", is something done out of love from one with greater wisdom to one with lesser wisdom. It is often used in the context of parent to child interactions; both through the relationship of earthly parents and children and the relationship of God to His people. Discipline, according to a biblical understanding, cannot occur apart from instruction in the Lord, and involves the development of personhood. The basis for morality and "right" and "wrong" can only be understood in context of God the Father, who is the standard of goodness. As parents seek answers for the questions around managing children's attitudes, and behavior, they must begin by grounding their instruction in the personhood of God. And they must take conscientious steps to train children in order to impart to them virtue, which comes from the Lord.
Biblical principles of discipline for parents
The Greek term "paideia" provides some clear principles for parents as they seek to discipline their children. These principles are the basis by which daily decisions about teaching, training, accountability, and encouragement can be made:
- God is the standard of goodness, and the foundation by which "right" and "wrong" are to be understood. All discipline and character training begin and end with Him.
- Discipline is always driven by love, and earthly discipline between parents and children should mirror heavenly discipline by the Father toward His people.
- Discipline, first and foremost, involves intentional, conscientious training and instruction in the ways and personhood of the Lord, with the understanding that character is, specifically, becoming more like God.
Practical applications
The following are some practical suggestions for implementing these principles into daily life with children:
- Read bible stories every day with your children - do not leave it up to the church or Christian school. Talk about the character concepts in each story and how God used/worked through the people involved. Spend time reading scripture aloud even with older children who are able to read on their own, and discuss spiritual truths as part of a daily devotional time.
- Have children memorize scripture. Choose one verse each week, put it on the refrigerator, and have children recite the verse at every meal. Then once a week do a review of all of the verses learned. Or click here to learn about scripture memory CDs.
- Use scripture as a part of your discipline. Quote specific verses that apply to something the child has done well: "Thank you for coming the first time I called. You just did exactly what Ephesians 6:1 says - 'Children obey your parents'!" Or not well: "Romans 12:10 says to honor one another above yourselves, remember? When you just grabbed the last cookie without your sister getting any, you were thinking of yourself first". Or something the child wants to do: "Remember how Philippians 4:8 tells us to think about things that are right, noble, pure, excellent and praiseworthy? Do you think that movie falls into those categories?"
- Do not provide correction to your children when you are angry. Calm yourself down first so that any consequences you address are done out of love rather than out of anger.
- Talk throughout the day with and about the Lord in front of your children. Let them see you consult the Lord for daily decisions, and listen for His direction in your daily responsibilities. Be sure to acknowledge blessings throughout the day as coming from God, and apologize to both your children and to the Lord for when you do something wrong.
Making It Local: The Discipline Book by William & Martha Sears addresses excellent discipline ideas for children from birth to age 10. The title can be found at the local Roanoke public library.
Click here to read the second article in this series, A biblical foundation for child discipline: Restoring back to the right path
Click here to read the third article in this series, A biblical foundation for child discipline: Providing loving correction
Like this article? Become a subscriber! Just click "subscribe" under the Rebecca's name at the top to receive e-mail alerts when new articles are available!
What are your thoughts on this article? Leave a comment below and let Rebecca know what you think!
Comments