As we near the anniversary of the 9/11 tragedy, we are reminded that anniversary dates of traumatic events are both hurtful and healing. National tragedies such as 9/11 and hurricane Katrina are full of media attention and cannot be ignored. People can feel actually assaulted by pictures and stories on every channel, in every publication. Anniversary dates of more personal tragedies, however they are defined, don’t usually involve so much publicity. There is a slight luxury in the choice to remember, or not. What’s important is that each person be allowed to grieve the way he or she needs to. There is no right or wrong process; individuals must do what they choose to take care of themselves.
Although these dates can be overwhelmingly sad, they can also serve as healing. They can be times to realize the personal resilience in us all. We have gotten through another year, though likely not unscathed, and we are now in a place with a bit more recovery in tact. We may be slightly stronger, and this is a time we can look at our losses with more perspective. The anniversary represents another year of courage, the hope that we have been able to go on and that there is still more of life to live.
As a teacher in Nashville, Tennessee, I remember a particular student’s reaction to 9/11. He was a very bright young man with no immediate family involved and no apparent unusual reaction to the tragedy. However, over the next few weeks, he became very reluctant to come to school. He was unable to verbalize why and had never experienced the almost phobic fear of leaving home. As the dust cleared, it seemed that the incident had suddenly forced him to realize the mortality of both himself and his family. He was abruptly and unexpectedly aware that loved ones can be taken at any time, without warning, for no apparent reason.
His desire to stay home was the result of a subconscious need to protect. This is relatively common with children who are in homes where there is domestic violence or instability of some kind. Although realistically, children can’t protect their parents, they sometimes feel a need to “be there” in case they are needed. This can be true of children who are extremely responsible and have leadership potential as well. Sometimes it’s the result of a trauma that causes a child to recognize the ever changing reality of our world.
During this time of relentless media coverage and the anxiety it may invoke, be available to talk with your children about their fears and worries. Talk about moving through tragedies of many kinds and the hope that follows.
If you are experiencing a personal tragedy at this time, it may be compounded by 9/11 reports. Remember to take care of yourself however you need to. Grieve on your own terms; rest, exercise, moderate your intake of news and commemorate, or not, in your own personal way. And always, take a few moments to realize your own personal magnificence!
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