Okay, we all get hundreds, perhaps thousands, of emails each week. And yes, most of them are junk mail. Unfortunately, that’s the world we live in.
Like you, we are getting very skilled in recognizing the junk so we can eliminate it immediately so we can take care of our friends and significant others. The rest of our daily emails are from friends, significant others, and followers.
Here’s a refresher course.
- When we send you a website address for you to review or a YouTube video to watch, we are only sending it to you as a friend or significant other because we think you might be interested in it. When you tell us you have seen this before, it irritates the heck out of us. Truth is, we are NOT mind readers and do not have access to your computer. We do NOT need your lecture about how you have seen this before. Why don’t you just say, “Thanks for sharing!” We cannot read your mind!
- When we share with you good news about some event in our lives or share with you photos of something positive, we are NOT bragging! Simply put, good news is something that is shared amongst true friends, significant others, and those who follow your work. If you don’t like “good news” tell us to delete your email address from our list. That’s pretty simple don’t you think? Why turn a positive into a negative?
- When we check in with you to see how you are doing, don’t reprimand us about how you prefer the telephone, how you were out of town and don’t normally tell people where you’re going, etc. Just say, “Thanks for checking on me. I appreciate your concern.” When you make us feel guilty by your utterances for being concerned about your welfare, you not only insult us, you make us determined to NOT check in with you! And just imagine if you had a problem and we didn’t know? The choice is yours.
- Respond to our emails. After you eliminate the junk mail, focus on us and your friends, significant others, and followers. When you don’t respond to an email from those that matter, you tell them they are not important. All it takes is a “Thanks,” “Very interesting,” “Thanks for sharing,” etc. Just respond! It isn’t that hard.
- Don’t always complain or be constantly negative in your email messages. Nobody likes a whiner! Nobody likes someone who constantly complains about everything. Try to be positive in your email messages. Don’t resort to an endless stream of negativism. Our real lives are full of challenges and things that make us mad. A constant barrage of negativism turns friends off. We all try our best to see goodness in the world. In spite of all the negativism that exists in the world today, being positive is a virtue. Send out a positive message, a positive web address, or an uplifting message.
- Nobody likes those who constantly engage in one-upmanship and sarcasm in their email messages. When we share good news with you, our message is in no way designed to belittle you just because we had an accomplishment we are proud of. We are sharing good news, period! However, when you engage in sarcasm and one-upmanship when we share something positive in our lives, you make yourself look foolish. How about just saying, “Congratulations” or “Well done” or “You make us proud.” When you decide to share with us something that “puts us down” for our accomplishment or something that takes away our steam for a job well done, or when you tell us about your recent accomplishment as a response, you not only belittle us, you belittle yourself. Just say, “Congratulations.” Think about it!
- Never talk about really serious issues through email. Let’s face it, really serious discussions should never occur via email. It is hard to express emotions by email. It is really hard to see the face of someone else through email. Moreover, it is hard to feel the pulse of someone you are not in the presence of. For all these reasons and more, never talk about serious issues by email. Never, ever! If you are dealing with a serious issue, meet in person! At the very least, talk by phone. But we repeat, never, ever, get engaged in a monumental discussion or conversation via email. Email is NOT a good medium for important discussions.
- When you give us “rules” about communicating with you, you lose us! Here’s the deal – when you tell us to NOT send you emails because you are going on vacation, you forget that most of us have groupings of names (i.e. ‘Friend’s List’). Given all the emails we send and receive, how do you expect us to remember “your rules?” Honestly, given the amount of emails most of us receive, remembering the nuances of some is not in the cards. If you want to be taken off of our list just tell us. We will oblige. Having us engage in an “on-again, off-again” relationship is not fair, is not prudent, and disrespects us. We know this is hard to believe, but there are other people in our lives. While you are important, there are others that we communicate with. How about simply deleting our emails when you return from vacation or when you are out of town. It’s easier that way. Why insult us by telling us not to send you emails while you are gone?
Email is a wonderful medium, make no mistake about that. Can you imagine life without it? But the truth is, don’t abuse email, don’t make the common mistakes associated with using it, and never, ever, abuse your relationships with friends, family, and significant others. Email is a powerful medium that is subject to important limitations. Heed the warnings and admonitions.
Creating a successful relationship is not always the easiest thing to do. Your visiting our blog suggests you are highly interested in making your marriage work! And truthfully, we have learned over 30 years of marriage research that there are proven effective ways to ensure a happy and healthy marriage. In fact, we took hundreds of tips from the thousands of happy couples we interviewed and put them into our award-winning and bestselling book, Building a Love that Lasts.
By Drs. Charles and Elizabeth Schmitz
America's #1 Love and Marriage Experts.
**Today, you can see how you stack up to the best marriages around the world. Take the Marriage Quiz to assess your chances of achieving a successful marriage of your own.