Emotional vampires can exist with friends, family members, co-workers, neighbors to a potential love interest. The problem is one often lacks the clarity as to why one’s energy is being drained. It might be attributed to the summer heat, work, stress, family conflict to a hormonal imbalance. Regardless of the reason it takes a heavy toll on one’s health and vitality. The seven reasons below will help prevent you from having your energy drained.
1) You lack appropriate boundaries: A person who is always available is a set up for an emotional vampire. Julie works as a CPA from home. Her fiancé Tom calls non-stop to share his various stresses of his career as a district manager. Julie feels obligated to take his calls because she desires being in a relationship and detests feeling lonely. In addition, every time Tom calls it gets her off task from completing her upcoming tax deadlines.
2) You have trouble saying no: Julie suffers from an approval addiction and thus fears being rejected by the man she loves. Tom is actually a great guy but who has way more free time on his hands then Julie. In order for Julie to prevent getting her energy drained she needs to up the number of times she says “NO” in her life. She can increase the number of no responses until all of her tax preparations are done for her clients. This action will empower her to actually be a better mate for Tom and less resentful of his frequent phone calls. She will not get stuck in blaming another person for being drained and be able to discontinue the cycle of being taken off task.
3) You are emotionally needy: People who are emotionally needy almost always lack boundaries in one’s life. Do you have trouble being alone? If so just know you will attract yet another dysfunctional relationship until you learn to be comfortable on your own. Julie jumps into relationships way too soon without giving herself time to heal from her prior relationship. Emotionally needy people gain their self-worth by being needed and valued by others. This altruistic quality will leave any person feeling drained and on the floor.
4) You are afraid to hurt people’s feelings: People who are very sensitive often have trouble hurting others feelings. The problem is Julie is now the one suffering and is paying the price with her depleted energy field. Feelings are a two way street so Julie needs to consider her own as well.
5) You have a high amount of subconscious guilt: Many people are clueless to the long term consequences of losing a loved one. Unresolved grief can leave a person feeling like they need to be the next Mother Theresa in serving others. Julie had lost all of her siblings at a young age and never connected the dots with her over helping behavior. The pain of not being able to help a loved one can haunt you years later with extreme altruistic behavior. If you find yourself always offering to help others but rarely receiving help then time to gain some much needed balance.
A simple affirmation such as, “Divine spirit, I choose to release all guilt and self-sabotage behavior and live in God’s abundance of love and joyous relationships”, can be repeated 100 times a day. Affirmations are very similar to self-hypnosis in that you are programming your own subconscious mind by repeating this affirmation out loud.
6) You are not on track with your goals or purpose: Julie needed to make a checklist every day to complete what she needs to get accomplished. She can gain some much needed structure to not get off task with all of Tom’s phone calls. Next, before she goes to bed each night she can review what behavior interrupted her completing her checklist and eliminate the annoying behavior. This will result in Julie having more energy and less resentment towards the man she loves.
7) Co-dependent tendencies: Co-dependent people frequently react in an over sensitive manner. “They are often hyper-vigilant to disruption, troubles, or disappointments and remain loyal to people who do not do anything to deserve their loyalty. (Substance Abuse Treatment, 2004). In addition, co-dependent people like Julie dread any form of confrontation so often do not speak up for what they want to avoid any unnecessary arguments.
Unfortunately, too many people go through life blaming others for why their energy is being drained. The truth is you cannot be drained unless you allow it to happen.