Howard Stern responded Tuesday morning to rumors that he's on the short list to take over "The Tonight Show" hosting gig from Jay Leno in 2014. Officially, Stern gave a smug "no comment" to the rumors, but then launched into an extended bit about how he'd revamp the show if he did take over as host.
The number one priority on Stern's list? Disgracing Johnny Carson. Stern bashed Leno's highly respected predecessor at length, calling him a "s**thead" and a wife beater.
"Johnny's spinning in his grave now," said Stern. "This big, ugly witch took over 'The Tonight Show' and that's me. I figure I got about twenty years left before I drop dead and I'm just going to spend that time disgrace Johnny's legend for the rest of my life...S******* Johnny. That's the hypocrisy. Johnny used to beat his wife. But then they talk about me and the women go: 'Oo, He scares me.' You should be scared of Johnny!" See a video clip of Howard Stern's comments on the "Tonight Show" rumors here
Check out 6 twisted things Howard Stern joked he would do as "The Tonight Show" host:
- "You know who my first guest is going to be? Joan Rivers. She's going come out and a s**t on Johnny's star on the Hollywod Walk of Fame."
- "That's going to be my opening monologue: 'F**k Johnny.
- "I'm going to dig up Johnny's skull and put it on my desk. I'm going to f**k his face, every night when I'm on 'The Tonight Show'. There's going to be the biggest rating. I'm going to have a 50 share. Who the Hell would be watching any other channel as I wheel Johnny's corpse on stage and p**s on him and then f**k his skull?"
- “Robin’s gonna work Ed’s body…through his a**hole.”
- "We’re going to bring back all the old characters from ‘The Tonight Show’—Doc Severinson. We’re going to stuff him and stick him out in front of the band.”
- "If the ratings start to dip, this is what I'm going to do: I'm going to execute Phil Spector and O.J. on camera."