From the large email response to my two-part article, 5 ways women sabotage potential relationships, I thought it would only be fair to write 5 ways men sabotage potential relationships.
I am blessed with a mother, aunts, a sister and a ton of female friends who all make it clear what turns them off or on in men. I’ve seen relationships in the budding stages come to a screeching halt because of things a man did or didn’t do. Obviously no one is perfect. But knowing these 5 things may make dating more successful for you in the New Year.
Not aggressive enough. This is the top complaint of women. Women want a man … well to act like a man. They want him to pursue—ask for their number, call them (most usually prefer a call instead of a text) ask them for dates in advance and they love a man with a plan. When men are too laidback in dating or don’t take enough initiative women lose interest. And it happens pretty quickly.
In Chapter 3 (State One: Attraction) of John Gray’s book, Mars and Venus on a Date, Gray says a man often wonders if he should ask a woman for her number, how he should do it and if she is attracted to him or not. According to Gray, he doesn’t realize his power to win her over and become attractive to her by first initiating eye contact, noticing her, taking the risk of introducing himself, giving her his full attention, complimenting her and letting her know at the end of the conversation that he would like to call her.
Gray says when a man does something to make a woman feel special, in her eyes he becomes more attractive. If he takes the risk of asking for her number or asking her out, she is inclined to say yes because she finds it attractive that he took the risk. It makes her feel special and she feels flattered.
Not giving the woman enough attention. Sometimes a man will ignore a woman thinking it will make her want him more. This might work with some women, but the majority of women will forget about him and move on to someone who gives them more attention. Most women are used to a lot of attention and when it is the right kind they warm up to the man. By the right kind I mean if you like a woman or want to get to know her, make sure you are the first (ok maybe 3rd or 4th) thing in her mind. Stay in touch. Call a few times a week (once or twice is fine, more if you want). Send flowers. Bring little presents. Send friendly emails. Plan dates (once a week is good enough, depends on your schedules and if you are dating others as well). Do these things without expecting any specific response back. Rest assured that when you do these things you will be foremost on a woman’s mind.
Too much talking. Gray says that instead of taking the time to listen and get to know his date, a man often talks about himself or his theories about life thinking this will impress her. According to him, when she does get a chance to talk, he mistakenly assumes she is asking for his advice and begins offering solutions to her problems and answers to her questions. Without even knowing why or when, he begins to turn her off.
It’s fine to talk about yourself. It’s actually great when men express themselves on dates and tell the girl all about their life, work, hobbies, etc. But remember to also ask your date more questions to draw her out. Practice active listening (eye contact, paying attention). Women love a man who is a good listener.
Bringing up your ex in the beginning. Although some women like to talk about past relationships and their exes (this is not a good sign) on the first date or two, most women find this to be a huge turnoff. When you bring up your ex so soon it signals to the woman you are still not over her. If you were, she wouldn’t be on your mind. If she is still on your mind, do yourself a favor and keep it to yourself.
Not chivalrous enough. I’ve stated this in many of my articles before. A woman loves a gentleman. Little things add up HUGE in a woman’s mind. Opening car doors, pulling out her chair, holding her arm or hand in the street, giving her sincere compliments, making sure she is comfortable, walking her to her car, etc. all make a woman take notice of you. You will be their favorite in no time if you continue acting like a gentleman. Just be sure to make it a habit (they are such little things, it doesn’t take much effort to do them) because women will notice when you stop doing those little things (not good).
Happy dating everyone!
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