First dates are difficult, no doubt about it. You're already nervous about spending time with someone new, someone you really like. You're terrified you'll embarrass yourself somehow; get a piece of food stuck in your teeth and flash it in every smile, snort wine through your nose while laughing at his/her jokes, or trip over your own feet. The possibilities are endless.
However, these are not the worst things you can do to make a bad impression on your date. What's worse, you ask? These five following talking points should never enter the conversation on a first date; that is, if you want to have a second date!
Talking about the ex. Three's a crowd, and there is no room for your ex on a date! Talking about your ex, whether it's good or bad, shows you're still hung up on that person leaving no room for someone else to come into your life. Here's the deal. Your date wants to hear about you, not your ex, so save that discussion until your one year dating anniversary.
Asking your date to pay half the check. Listen. Unless you're Dutch, don't ask to 'go Dutch'; and even then, don't do it! There are very clear rules about who pays on a date; the person who asks the other out pays. Asking your date to pay half makes you look like the cheapskate you obviously are and won't earn you a second chance. So, unless you were mugged at gunpoint on your way to pick up your date, and have the police report to prove it, don't pull this bone-head move.
Hinting at sex. Tacky much? Hinting at or mentioning the possibility of sex on the first date smacks of not only desperation but a lack of interest in pursuing the chance at a real relationship. If the man hints at or mentions sex in any way, he's not interested in the woman beyond the moment. If the woman hints at or mentions sex, she sounds easy and desperate. She'll probably get some as most men won't turn it down, but the probability that he'll call again for anything more than a booty call is slim. Save the sex talk for after date three. It will give you something to look forward to.
Family drama. For heaven's sake, do you want to scare him/her away? Then don't talk about your family drama! Sure, you may have the world's most dysfunctional family, but does he/she need to know that? The answer is, not yet. Keep talk of family down to basics; how many brother and sisters you have, what mom and dad do, and where they all live. Give your date a chance to really like you before springing the lunatic relatives on him/her.
How long since your last date. Whether it was the night before or three years ago, don't mention how long it has been since your last date. It can backfire on you. If you're perceived to be a serial dater then your date will wonder just how serious and trustworthy you are. If you haven't dated anyone in years, and you share this information, then you make your date wonder what's wrong with you. This is a topic that will be okay after a handful of dates, but shoved forward on date number one is awkward and may not lead you to date number two.
Keep the conversation light and to the basics. Let your date get a good sense of who you are without all the crazy that surrounds you. Most of all, just breathe!
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M. Gwynn has authored two books, Harvest and The Cat Who Wanted to be a Reindeer on Amazon.com .
All articles by Michele Gwynn are under copyright and cannot be re-posted whole without written consent by the author. Partial re-posting with a link back to the original article is permitted. For consent, questions, or comments, email megwynn@msn.com.
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