As March 20th marks National Proposal Day, it is important to think long and hard about the commitment that comes with marriage. As an experienced matrimonial attorney and current Executive Director of BBL Churchill, the only consumer lender in the U.S. specializing in divorce finance, Nicole Noonan has seen it all! For National Proposal Day, Nicole identifies five signs that may indicate you should save the ring for a later date.
1. Fall victim of added pressure caused by National Proposal Day: One or both parties may not be ready for marriage. It is the biggest decision of someone's life. A relationship should blossom naturally and not be forced. Being a hopeless romantic, I hope to think marriage lasts for a lifetime. You should want topropose everyday to the right person and reaffirm that love each day after the wedding. The pressure of National Proposal Day makes the idea of proposing too forced and ritualistic. Just as you might agree to a bad datebecause it is Valentine’s Day, you could possibly commit yourself to a long term "bad date.”
2- Settling because others around you are “settling down”: With so many others proposing on the day, it may seem like a great idea now because it is a popular one, but a terrible idea a few days, months or even years later. Just because you do not want to feel left out because all your friends are married does not mean you have to get hitched as well. It is better to take your time now and truly examine your relationship before proposing, get married and having to endeavor to make the wrong marriage work or worse have to go through a divorce.
3- Taking the idea of marriage too lightly: With someone abiding by the idea one has to propose on National Proposal Day, it may lead to the idea of taking marriage too lightly. Starting off the engagement on thesame day many other people get engaged loses the uniqueness of what for many newlyweds is one of the two best days of their lives (the other is your wedding day). From start to finish, brides and grooms want to have a day that is special and unique to them. The notion of proposing on one certain day takes the sparkle and element of surprise out of the engagement
4- You are not asking /saying yes for the right reasons: A proposal should not be seen as a quick fix for a relationship. It should not be used as a Band-Aid for a deep relationship “wound.” It is a major commitment that should be done because you are deeply in love, not because you have been fighting and a proposal will “fix” things.
5- All your ducks may not be in a row: Important topics that need to be discussed may be overlooked because people are prematurely proposing on the day. What are your long term plans for a career and family? In terms of finances, has the couple been open and honest? If the couple is planning a Prenuptial Agreement, has that been discussed? Weddings are expensive and one party may have a very different idea of what a wedding should look like (and cost). If things are not planned out and thought through, we could be looking at a National Divorce Day next year.
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