Your love connection started off perfect. It was just like the movies. He called you, you dined at quaint little out of the way restaurants, you traveled together and built memories that you thought would last forever–now you’re single again. You may be sabotaging your own relationships and not even know it. This New Year it’s time to get off the relationship hamster wheel. Here are the top 5 reasons that some dating relationships don’t work.
You wake up and realize you don’t have anything in common. Love while it can be energetic and romantic in the very beginning, it still has to be fed with commonalities for it to grow and thrive. You need to have more than just a thing or two in common to forge ahead and make a relationship last. Many people discard the need to have things in common and then they soon realize that after they’re together for a year or two that they don’t even like the same kinds of foods or television shows. This can disrupt lives. Small things foster togetherness. Learn where your partner would like to one day travel, what their idea of relaxation truly is as well as what kind of books you both like to read. Your common trends are the framework of your relationship.
Individuals in relationships latch on to whoever they’re with and become co-dependent instead of discovering their own worth and embracing their singlehood before finding a partner. A partner should enhance who you are as a person not replace who you are as a person. Many people distort this principle. All couples should have a bevy of things that they like to do together, or places they enjoy going, but they should have individual interests as well, so, they don’t smother each other and extinguish the fire.
Sometimes people in a relationship have unresolved issues. These unresolved issues are normally with someone from their past, an ex-wife or ex-boyfriend and a partner can idealize the ex or harbor anger or resentment towards them and hold the new mate to an unfair standard—a standard that they can never meet or displace that unresolved anger onto them. The wise thing to do is to fully resolve your past before you move forward in the future and seek out a new relationship. This gives your new relationship you’re in a fighting chance.
You are disrespecting someone else’s relationship. Many people in relationships may knowingly or unknowingly display improper behavior for someone who is in a relationship or allow people they know are in a relationship to relate inappropriately to them. Whether it’s bankrolling your opposite sex co-worker’s coffee and muffin every morning or using terms of endearment even playfully with someone you’re “not” in a relationship with, the rule is, if you want to keep your relationship intact, draw boundaries and don’t allow anybody to cross the line no matter how friendly you’ve become with them. If you introduce behavior like that in someone else’s relationship, then you are opening the door to it in your own relationship. Many relationships have fallen apart over much less.
Jealousy and Insecurity ruins hundreds of thousands of relationship every year. This is where getting in touch with yourself before you couple up and get into a relationship should be mandatory. You should be whole and appreciative of yourself and know your self-worth before you come into a relationship. It shouldn’t fall on your partner to boost your self-esteem and stroke your ego. It’s unfair and can become a nuisance. But on the flipside, if the jealousy and insecurity is warranted because his or her co-worker or friend is disrespecting your relationship, you have a right to feel what you feel and their job is to handle it so you no longer feel that way. Get a grip on jealousy, but learn to also put friends in their place even if it hurts their feelings, and that will let your love thrive, flourish, grow.