5 common excuses cheating men use to see their mistresses

Working late is the most common excuse cheating men use to spend
time with their mistress. Photo: istockphoto.com/ Stephanie Phillips

When a cheating man wants to steal time to spend with his mistress, he has to give his wife or girlfriend some kind of excuse.

The more plausible his excuse sounds, the less likely she is to suspect that he’s up to no good.

Here are the 5 most common excuses cheating husbands and boyfriends use.

To keep you from falsely accusing an innocent mate, I’ve also included tips on how to check whether or not his excuse could possibly be true.

NOTE: You can find other excuses cheating men use to get away, or to explain where they’ve been, in the chapter on Absences in Is He Cheating on You? – 829 Telltale Signs.

Working Late

This is by far the most common excuse cheating men use to spend time with their mistress – especially if it’s a workplace affair. It works because this is sometimes a valid reason why a man might come home late.

You should know enough about your spouse or significant other’s job to be able to tell whether this is a legitimate excuse or not.

How to Check It Out
When he comes home from “working late,” ask him a few questions about the project, the paperwork, or whatever it was he told you he had to work late to do. Casually inquire as to who else or how many other people in his department had to work late, too. Is he vague or does he mention specific names? Question him again in a day or two later and see if his story stays the same.

The key is to ask these questions casually and in a conversational manner. It should not sound like an interrogation. If you make it a habit to show a natural interest in his work on a daily basis (something you should do in any marriage or relationship) your questions won’t seem out of place.

Does he become defensive over innocent questions? If so, that’s not a good sign.

Gym or Health Club

Like work, sometimes going to the gym can be a legitimate excuse. But here are a couple of the many ways a cheating man can use the gym as a cover for his affair.
• He could stop by to see his mistress, after his workout out at the gym.
• He could lie about going to the gym, knowing it will buy him at least 2 or 3 hours to spend with her.

How to Check It Out
Be very suspicious if he claims to be going to the gym on a regular basis, but there’s no visible change in his physique.

You may need to check further to see what’s really going on. Get a guest pass and drop in unannounced one day during the time when he’s supposed to be there. Or have a friend check to see if he’s there.

One woman found out by accident that her husband was just using the gym as an excuse. Instead of the smelly, sweaty, rumpled clothing she expected to find in his gym bag when doing laundry at the end of the week, she found clean, neatly folded workout clothes that were obviously unworn.

Business Trips

Bogus business trips are a common excuse to cheat far from the sight of prying eyes. But cheating men also use legitimate business trips to camouflage their affairs. See Business Travel and Infidelity - How Cheating Men Use Business Travel to Hide Their Affairs.

How to Check It Out
If you can’t accompany him, or join him later, get as much information as you can about his trip. If you’ve shown a healthy interest in his work al along (which you should be doing, anyway) you’ll already know most of the facts.

Do your best to confirm that what he told you about the trip is true. If you turn up conflicting information, your suspicions will be confirmed.

Hanging Out With the Guys

“Boys night out” is another standard excuse. But is he really hanging out with his friends?

How to Check It Out
One woman was alerted when the friend her husband claimed to be hanging out with, came by to borrow one of his power tools.

Which of his friends is he hanging out with? How often does he use this excuse? Where will they be? Can you double check this with the wives or girlfriends of f the other men he’ll be with?

Picking an Argument or Fight and Storming Out

If it’s difficult for him to get away to meet his mistress, a cheating man may start an argument or pick a fight with you as a last resort. Then he can storm out angrily without having to answer questions about where he’s headed, or how long he’ll be gone.

How to Check It Out
As with the previous excuse, make note of how often, and under what circumstances this excuse is used. Also take notice of how long he’s away.

One key to whether or not this is just a trumped up excuse to see his mistress, is the triviality of what started the argument or fight. When he comes back he may not even remember what the argument was about.

Check his appearance when he returns home. Rumpled clothing, visible (or not so visible) make up stains or body fluids, the smell of sex, the scent of another woman’s perfume, or a freshly showered smell are dead giveaways. See 8 Ways Cheaters Give Themselves Away by Trying to Cover Their Tracks.

One cheating man’s odometer gave him away. Though he claimed he drove around for hours to clear his head, the odometer on his car showed he’d driven less than a mile. The following month his wife found out he was having an affair with a woman who lived just a few blocks away.

More about Cheating Men and Their Excuses

These are the top 5 excuses cheating men use to steal blocks of time to conduct their affairs.

For other excuses cheating men use either to get away, or to explain where they’ve been, see the 39 signs of infidelity in the chapter on Absences in Is He Cheating on You? – 829 Telltale Signs.

For a free tip sheet entitled Is He Cheating? – Is She Cheating? 21 Ways You Can Tell, e-mail InfidelityInfo@gmail.com with 21 ways – Xm in the subject line.

Ruth Houston is a New York-based infidelity expert who is frequently called on by the media to comment on infidelity issues in the news. She is the author of Is He Cheating on You? - 829 Telltale Signs, the founder of InfidelityAdvice.com and publishes the Infidelity News and Views blog.

For more information about cheating men, infidelity and extramarital affairs, see

8 Ways Cheaters Give Themselves Away by Trying to Cover Their Tracks

Business Travel and Infidelity - How Cheating Men Use Business Travel to Hide Their Affairs

13 Things Everyone Should Know About Signs of Infidelity

The Best Investment You Can Make in Your Relationship for 2010

What Should I Do If I Think He or She is Cheating on Me?

Is He Cheating? – Is She Cheating? 21 Ways You Can Tell (free tip sheet)

Is He Cheating on You? – 829 Telltale Signs (softcover book)

Is He Cheating on You? – 829 Telltale Signs (e-book version with Affair Recovery information)

What NOT to Do If He’s Cheating on You

5 Things You SHOULDN’T Do If He’s Cheating on You (free tip sheet)

Free Infidelity Tip Sheets and Special Reports