Deception in any form is hurtful to everyone involved. The person who is deceived will have a difficult time to trust again and the person who has deceived will actually gain nothing from the deception. Sadly cheating on a lover is a deception and whether the cheater in the relationship decides to leave or remain the relationship, there will be time when both of you must sit down, talk to each other, forgive and heal. There is a saying that people must forgive those who have hurt them and forget what they did. Forgiving is quite difficult but forgetting is actually much harder. When you love someone so much and you later realize that that special person cheated on you even once, you will surely get hurt. Upon hearing the news, you may take it a sick joke but once you get solid proof, things will start to sink in and anger will start to fill your heart. You may end up wanting to hurt someone so as to avenge what happened to you. However it is it hard to live with anger and the best way to get over it is to forgive. But how can you do so? Below are tips to help you on how to forgive someone that has cheated on you.
1. Allow yourself to get upset.
If you want to truly learn how to forgive someone that has cheated, then you need to take time to fully mourn the loss of trust that you have experienced in your love life. Every serious relationship actually involves a huge amount of investment in terms of emotion, effort and time and when you find that you have been cheated upon, it can seem to take away the ground beneath your feet. Primary emotions that will fill your heart are anger, abandonment, helplessness and despair .You actually need to cry if you feel like and get as miserable as possible. The grieving stage is very important especially if you want to move to the next stage of healing and eventually forgive your cheating partner.
2. Don’t blame yourself.
The mistake that many people do is blaming themselves after their spouse cheats on them thinking that they are not good enough or they are not attractive enough or they are no charming enough. You should not blame yourself when your spouse cheats on you because that his his/her fault and not yours. What you should think of is if your actions or your character actually contributed to the slowing down of the relationship. In other words, take quality time to reflect on the relationship as a whole. In addition, don’t allow your spouse to blame you for his/her action and if that happens walk out of the door.
3. Confront your partner.
Whether your partner came clean or you found out by yourself about his/her cheating, you actually need to get to the bottom of the story and get all facts before you forgive and start the healing process. It’s not going to be pleasant but there may be point at which your cheating partner will cry and ask your forgiveness based on the length but you must try as much as possible to set aside your anger and fear and ask your cheating partner to participate in a truthful dialogue.
4. Work on improving your relationship.
Once you have decided to forgive your significant other and give your relationship another chance, think abut what went wrong which led to your partner to cheat on you. Did you have sex disagreements, finances or in-laws? Was it because of neglect of his/her feelings? Or perhaps you were trying to make your spouse become who he/she is not. If you wish to give your relationship a second chance, it is very important to move towards rebuilding trust that you once had. No one is perfect and every relationship has its own weak spots. If it was a physical disconnect that drove your partner away from you look for ways to reignite the love that you once had with each other. On the other hand, if the cheating was as a result of differing priorities, try to examine the common rallying point in your relationship and put them first. Both of you should actually sit down and try to figure out what went wrong and after you have identified the problem, try to work on it to spice your relationship.
In conclusion, part of learning how to forgive is learning how to let go. You can allow the infidelity to become the defining moment in your relationship that will be rehearsed forever or you can choose to let it go. You must be willing to address this issue with your spouse and decide whether your differences are irreconcilable or not.