Skip to main content
  1. Life
  2. Family & Parenting
  3. Family

35 hysterical mom quotes in honor of Mother’s Day

See also

In recognition of Mother’s Day, Jimmy Fallon asked his twitter followers to share funny things their moms have said over the years. His hashtag of the week, #momquotes, quickly became a trending term as fans flocked to tweet their mother’s verbal mishaps. Here are a few of the more giggle-worthy gems:

Moms trip up trying to talk tech. Got to give them credit for trying…

“Can you put my music on my P90X?”

“You mean your MP3 player?”

“I knew it was something with letters and numbers!”

~ @laurenegardiner

“How do you open Mozzarella firefox?”

~ @STBBen

“So, what are you twerking on twitter?”

~ @luv2live_Bobbi

“What is greater than three? Everyone has it on their Facebook.” It’s a heart, mom . <3.

~ @HeartbreakDown4

““What is this Snapplechat everyone is talking about?”

~ @novaksbak

"Can’t you buy that album on the YouTunes?"

~ @cequindlen

My niece texted my mom about a friend passing away. Mom responded “LOL” (she though it meant Lots of Love).

~ @FTWTX1

Moms get brutally honest. No sugarcoating added!

“Don’t get a push up bra because then guys will get you home and be like, ‘This isn’t what I wanted.’”

~ @stephanierhea_

“Honey, if you’re going to dress like a whore, dress like an expensive whore.”

~ @PuddleofAshes

“I need to figure out how to remove this person from my newsfeed. I only like her because she sends me Candy Crush lives.”

~ @_sarahcoffey

I asked my mother if I was ugly and she said, “Ask your girlfriend.”

Me: “What Girlfriend?”

Mom: “Exactly.”

~ @MontelMorgan1

Mom: “Your clothes aren't going to fold themselves!”

Me: “They would if I was Harry Potter!”

Mom: “And this is why you’re single.”

~ @KingStaples

When I told my mom that this kid liked me she asked, “Has he met you in person?”

~ @PipAlexandra

“When you have kids, you'll understand why your dad and I drink.”

~ @JKAY6464

Moms get naughty without knowing it. Ignorance may be bliss, but it can also be hilarious.

Debating if I would be able to finish my steak dinner, in a crowded restaurant Mom says, “David, stop playing with your meat!”

~ @davegod

From inside dressing room, “Tell me if these pants look ‘up the butt,’ I hate up the butt.”

~ @Jesseka22

My mom answered business email with FU on the meeting. She meant follow up. I had to explain.

~ @cathy4563_cathy

My mom said she didn’t hear her cell phone ring because it was on vibrator.

~ @MalinsWorld

My mom sent out invitations to our 4th of July BBQ saying “Come join our sausage fest!”

~ @TJSanfran

My mom would tell the butcher “I am in the mood for a good pork” and not understand what was wrong with that statement.”

~ @NancyHef

Moms make their kids turn 50 shades of red. OMG, Mom!

At a gas station, my mom told a guy he could go in front of her in line to pay for his soda bc she said she had gas.

~ @KBonadeo

Mom’s first words after open heart surgery to the Dr. “Are you single? My daughter is single.”

~ @twaaustin

My mom asked, “You didn't forget to brush your teeth, did you?” in front of my date as we were getting ready to leave.

~ @EthanAmerine

Moms that make you go “hmmmm…” Seriously, what?!

“Are you okay? Call me if not.”

~ @CherPoff

“I’m calling to see if you got my texts.”

~ @jimmyfallon

“If you weren’t speaking to me, the least you could do was call and tell me you’re not speaking to me.”

~ @ta2dmimi

“Don’t use the hair dryer when your hair is wet. You’ll electrocute yourself.”

~ @Snarkaroni

“Never put money in your mouth. Some drunk probably had it in his pocket when he pissed his pants.”

~ @kelpar518

“If you ever accidentally kill someone, like push them down the stairs, tell the police. They always find out.”

~ @jllangey

Moms concoct clever comebacks. File these under, “Wish I’d thought of that.”

“If I go missing I hope my face is on a wine bottle instead of a milk carton that way my friends will see it.”

~ @one_take_timmy

Anyone who has any complaints about the way I cook, do laundry, etc. can fire me and take over the job.

~ @_WahWahWah

I hit lane dividers while driving, Mom said, “Honey, I know my eyesight isn’t great, but there is no need to drive by braille.”

~ @Madkat27

My mother, “There’s this new app. It’s called respect. Maybe you should download it.”

~ @SarahJilll

When I want to say something isn’t fair, I hear my mom say “Do you know what a fair is?? A once a year carnival.”

~ @lovelylauralei

And one more mom quote, just for fun.

Mom,”What’s the song that goes ready to vacuum, ready to vacuum?” #radioactive

~ @IJHnumba25

Do you have some hysterical mom quotes of your own? Share them below.

Advertisement