Today I wanted to talk to you about something that many of my clients struggle with--their self esteem! Low self-esteem leads women to adopt behaviors that in effect drive men away! One such behavior is being too controlling. Whether you are a wife, girlfriend or fiance, you can benefit from reading this. Take each tip and practice it for at least one week, then come back and let me know your progress!
1. Asking him too many questions. We've all been guilty of this. "Where are you going?" "When are you coming home?" "Who's going to be there?" "What time did you arrive?" "When did you leave??" And the litany of questions goes on! I've even been guilty of this ; ) Sometimes you just want to know more! But let me tell you, this type of incessant questioning when done over the long term, can drive your man away! A man doesn't want to feel like you distrust him, and when you ask so many detailed and annoying questions, a man starts to feel like he is on the stand, guilty of some crime and awaiting his punishment! Scary, right? I know, I know, sometimes you just need to ask some questions, after all you are just showing you are a concerned girlfriend/wife/mother. But the key is in a. how many questions you ask and b. how you ask them (ie: your tone). Limit the number of questions you ask your man to three total questions. I know it sounds hard to do! But you can do it. When you are asking him your questions, keep the tone light and airy! Don't get too serious, too interrogative (like a bull dog all up in his face!), or too harsh! Just keep it simple.
2. Saying no to everything. Low self-esteem causes you to question your self worth and your desirability to your man! When you feel down about who you are, you automatically start to feel less than, or even inferior. When that happens, you begin to think your man will feel the same way about you (that you aren't good enough), and that he is in fact looking to other women to fill his needs, the areas you most definitely lack (when in reality you don't). So, for example, your man tells you, "Hey hun I'm going to see Tim and the guys after work today, OK?" Your answer (after the 20 question interrogation process), "NO!!!!!!!!" Another time he asks you, "Hey babe, I'm thinking about going to Jon's BBQ on Sunday when you're at your sister's, sounds good?" "After asking him details for 10 minutes, you tell him "I don't want YOU to go!!!!! There will be other women there. Stay home and watch the game here." Again, your low self-esteem leads you to believe if your man was left alone for two minutes, or if you actually said YES to him going out with his friends, he would find another woman more attractive than you and immediately leave you or cheat on you! This is ridiculous on two levels. Even if you said no your man could still a. go without telling you (and start lying to you about his innocent whereabouts just so he doesn't have to hear it). b. cheat on you even if you are the most controlling woman in the world and know his every move (men can be sneaky, too ; ). So, I'm telling you--give it up! Let him have a life. You don't have to be the YES woman either. You can express your reservations, your feelings and your wants, but let him breathe! Let him make his own choices. Don't mommy him or tell him what to do. Not only do you emasculate him, you greatly harm your relationship. Take. It. Easy.
3. Saying yes to everything. Some women are so afraid to lose their man, they say YES to everything a man wants, has to have or desires! It doesn't really matter what, this woman is too afraid to even utter the word NO to her man! This woman is probably even worse than the NO woman, because she puts herself at danger (and I don't just mean physical danger) in more ways that one. A healthy set of boundaries is essential for ANY relationship to flourish and grow deeper. If there are no boundaries, you allow a man to walk all over you, and if he is a GOOD man (oftentimes YES women attract abusers and "bad" men) he will lose respect for you and look for another woman with a healthy dose of self-confidence. Respect yourself enough to say no to requests that are just wrong, or that make you feel bad about yourself! Don't be afraid to lose your man. The truth is, you will lose him if you keep on saying YES to everything he suggests! And I don't mean date ideas or anything of that sort, what I mean is requests like these.
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