You might not be ready to recognize it but maybe you often feel like you’re a step behind when in a relationship. Whether it be defining your relationship or understanding what your partner is thinking, you feel the nagging notion of uncertainty. You just can’t determine where you and your lover stand with each other. If you are in this type of situation, avoid making the common mistake of trying too hard to make it work. Relationships might require some work but here’s how to recognize if you are the only one putting in all the effort:
You always make yourself available. How often do you find yourself checking your phone? Maybe you’re always plugged in but if you keep scanning for new notifications, missed texts or calls from that particular person, you are simply ensuring you’re available at all times to answer back. If you continually keep your schedule open or are ready to blow off prior commitments because an opportunity arises to hang out with that special someone, it’s time to reevaluate the message your actions are sending. Putting a potential relationship in the forefront before even yourself can signal that you’re willing to put up with anything from this other person, even if it’s not always to your benefit.
You feign interest and agreeance with your date. Let’s say you hate sports…and he’s all about them. While going to games can make for an ideal date, you are overdoing it by buying a jersey of some team you couldn’t care even a little about and pretending like you are as invested in the game as is your date. If you don’t like Justin Timberlake (ummm…what’s wrong with you?), don’t pretend to appreciate his music as much as your partner does every time she plays it. Keeping someone’s attention does not require catering to his or her interests. Stop worrying so much about chasing a suitor off because you don’t have everything in common. True commonalities will be found as the relationship progresses and differences can be surprisingly intriguing. Don’t be afraid to speak your mind but do remember to listen well to your partner.
You ignore or excuse the obvious signs. If something feels amiss in the connection, you are either reading too much into things or you simply make exceptions for erratic behavior. If one minute, your lover is hot, and then the next he or she is cold towards you, chances are you fall low on the priority list. If someone isn’t calling or texting, they might not be ready for a real relationship—or at least one with you. Either way, you have to decide how much you wish to invest in a seemingly one-sided relationship. When it comes to a confusing connection, focus on yourself to determine what you need from a lover and then make your move.